#so i decided to not change much (also cause i dont trust myself making multiple drastic changes without changing their identity too much)

[clouvu]

Cooking up an older Clervie outfit design so I don't have to keep drawing her looking like her child self but Long

[girlinthecorner19]

Rinku

Chapter 1: Zuko Alone

Heeeyyy so idk how to do a master list so if someone could help me with that, what would just swell. I am currently writing chapter 2 so you don't have to wait long for an update! It will probably be out by the end of the weekend. I start work again on the 13th so I won't update as often :,(

Words: 2161

Zuko was alone and starving. He could still smell the cooking meat from the fire if the family he passed. He once again clutched his grumbling stomach and sighed as he swayed with the movements of the ostrich horse. He felt weak sucking the last drop of water. His eyes drooped before me momentarily closed them. He shook his head awake once he saw the haunting images of his mother though. He needed to keep going.

"Hey you there!" A voice called out. He jumped slightly at the sudden noise and looked around for its source, sounded like a girl. The mystery girl jogged up to him, he squinted as she came forward. She was wearing tan clothes that covered almost her whole body so she blended in with the dry dirt surrounding. He wasn't able to see her face until she uncovered it as she approached.

"It's been a while since I've seen anyone out here, mind if I walk with you?" She flashed him an inocente smile, but Zuko internally groaned.

The last thing he needed was more distractions.

Picking up on Zuko's hesitant looks she held up her hands. "I carry no weapons." She looked at his dual sword, but her cheerful expression didn't change till she looked over him and his Ostrich. Her face changed to potty. "but I have some supplies. Your ostrich looks just as tired as you do." Zuko studied her up and down. Her hair was up in a loose bun, a few strands framed her tanned skin. She flashed a big smile trying to ease him. He looked into her eyes. Earth Kingdom, which made sense, he was in the Earth Kingdom. But they were suck a striking emerald color, dark flex of forest green sprinkled in. He took in her beauty, but quickly shook his thoughts away. He didn't have time for beautiful, mysterious girls who came up to him promising him food.

I'm fine, you should be on your way." The girl shook her head, looking into his ostrich's eyes. Much to his dismay she stroked the animals face. It let out a pitiful sign.

"He is exhausted, you would both do well to stop." She looked up at him no longer smiling, a much more serious look on her face. It felt like she was staring into his soul. He squirmed in his saddle. "I insist you at least stop by my camp for rest, please." The way she said please almost sounded like her life depended on it.

He signed, she looked stubborn but he didn't know who to trust so he unsheathes his swords. She took a step back, looking shocked.

"Please I mean no harm I—" she pleaded

"I'm just trying to keep myself safe, I'm not attacking." He inhaled "I've been traveling a while, I don't know who to trust." His expression stiffened in crontrast she flashed another smile and took the reins of his animal. He was tired, and he did need food. She looked harmless and he was sure he could beat her if it came down to it, so might as well accept her kindness.

"I understand. It's not too far away, so don't worry." She reached into her bag, Zuko was ready to strike, and took two apples tossing one to him and fed the other to his horse. "Does he have a name?"

"No."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

She nodded but didn't question him further. There was a pause, only the crunching sound of sand and dirt under feet and the ostrich's hooves.

"Do you have a name?" He asked

"Yes." She said in a husckly voice, Zuko assume she was mocking him. After a few snickers she continued "my name is Nya.

Nya, it fit her.

****

Zuko examined the campsite. It was nice he had to admit. A fast flowing stream of crystal clear water, lots of bush and trees for cover, she had a nice camp fire set up and a tent near it. It was like an oasis in the almost desert like area of the earth kingdom.

She led his horse to the stream where it drank eagerly. Taking a small cup from her bag, she filled it with the cool water and handed it to Zuko. He eagerly drank it. Nya eyed him as he gulped the water down. She blushed slightly, when he caught her staring.

"Can I have some more?" He asked politely

"Streams right there, I'm going to make us some tea."

Tea, it made him think of his uncle making him smile slightly. Once he filled his water he sat by the fire watching Nya with interest.

She looked skinny, which made sense with the amount of fashions she had. She is cute though. He huffed, causing Nya to look at him confused hold yourself together Zuko, you're on a mission. Honor is far more important than a cute girl.

They made conversation, mostly one sided by Nya as she cooked the fish and some sort of cabbage. But they sat in silence as they ate. She didn't have much food. He noted after their small meal she only had an apple, and a few berries left. She had offered the rest to him, but he felt pity, which was slightly unexpected.

She cleaned the tin dishes in the stream before sitting by the fire. She looked at the sunset then into Zuko's eyes.

"You are welcome to stay here for the night. I've got an extra sack and pillow if you need it." She offered.

He shook his head "I appreciate your generosity, I'm a stranger yet you gave me food and shelter, but I really should be getting on my way. I say a villiage just ahea—"

"They charge way too much for inns, you will never be able to afford it. They jacked up the prices since the war." Her eyes once again pleaded with him. "Please, stay." And once again she said please like her life depended on it.

Zuko felt confused, "why do you want me to stay so much, you don't know me." He asked.

Nya's face went red and she became flustered as she stumbled over her words. "I—um—"

"Spit it out!" Zuko barked. She sputtered, "come on!"

"I JUST DONT WANT TO BE ALONE!" Nya finally said. He was taken aback, inhaling sharply. She lowered her head. "I don't have very much food because people see me as weak and steal my food. Some... men..." she stopped and tears rolled down her face.

Zuko, not equipped to deal with crying girls, looked at her, eyes wide. He felt his heartened heart soften slightly. He wanted to protect her...maybe he'd just stay the night.

She cried softly to herself, and looked up. "Sorry, we just met and now I'm crying to you about my problems." She laughed slightly.

"I'll stay with you." He said looking up at the orange sky.

She gasped and lunged forward putting her arms around his neck. Zuko was ready to fire bend her right off of him, but the way it made him feel changed his mind. Her embrace, though was meant to comfort her, comforted him too.

What is it with this girl. He thought as he awkwardly patted her back.

"Thank you." She whispered before parting.

****

Zuko lied awake, unable to sleep for multiple reasons. One she had said she gets stolen from and also... he just couldn't see why anyone would want to hurt her. She's just a nice girl. Two he didn't like sleeping next to people he didn't know. And three this girl could potentially be a major set back. In the hours of knowing her she had managed to make him blush, and think of her as cute and beautiful.

She is... he thought as he rolled onto his side, watching her peaceful expression on her face and the steady rise and fall of her chest. Damn he thought angrily and rolled to his back.

He didn't know when he fell asleep but he was awoken by rustling in the bushes. He instantly got up and too his swords out of the sleeping sack.

He circled the camp site, but it was silent.

"Show yourself you coward." He whispered.

The tree above him shook, and he quickly drew back. "So the little girl got herself a bodyguard. I'll make quick work if you, kid" the slimy voice above him said.

"We will see about that." Zuko gritted his teeth. And debated whether he should firebend this bitch into next week make the first move.

The man jumped out of the tree. He wore a hood, but Zuko could tell from his build he was a grown man. Anger built inside of him at the thought of him taking advantage of a young girl who couldn't be older than 17.

"You're just a kid what are you going to do?" He taunted.

But his eyes widened with shock when Zuko rushed I'm with speed he didn't expect. Swords clashed. The thief backed away, but Zuko quickly advanced. And with one swift move he disarmed him.

"You are one of the most dispicable humans out there. You pray on the weak, and steal from the poor. Only picking a fight with those you know cannot defend themselves." He spat at him, holding both swords to his throat. "Give me one reason I shouldn't end your life."

"I—please have mercy I'll never bother her again I promise!" He sank to his knees and begged.

"Scum! Of course you won't because I'm going to—"

"Zuko STOP!" Nya rushed over to him grabbing his arm to lower the sword. He did but kept eye contact with the thief.

"He should pay for his crimes." He growled his left sword almost touching the thief's throat.

"Yes, but not by death he will be put in jail. Or maybe the soldiers in the city will rough him up a bit. But death in not for us to decide." She stepped in front of Zuko and lowered both of the swords.

He huffed "you would get along great with my sister." He said sarcastically. Zuko looked back down at the man who was shaking with fear then back to Nya. "Got any rope?"

****

It was morning by the time Zuko got back to Nya's campsite. He tossed her some gold pieces. She looked up confused.

"Turns our he was a wanted thief so, I got some bounty from it." Zuko said as he began packing up his things.

"You're leaving so soon?" She asked.

"Yeah." Zuko stopped packing and looked into her eyes, but they were angry. "You know," he drew his swords, Nya's heart dropped and she stepped back. "I realized something you said while I was traveling back."

She continued to step back, but panicked once she hit a tree. Sweat dripping down her face. "What is that?"

Zuko stepped forward his face inches away. "How do you know my name?"

She gasped, scared if she told the truth he would think she was lying and kill her. "You're Prince Zuko, everyone knows who you are!"

He shook his head. "No. People know my name, but not many out fo the fire nation would know what I look like." He was so close she could feel his breath on her face. And even though she feared for her life, a light rose tint painted itself on her cheeks. She stared into his golden eyes.

"I...I don't actually know..." she looked down, tear fell from her eyes which made Zuko hesitant and step back. "I can't explain it, but when I say you on the road... something inside me told me I needed to talk to you. And the more I was with you the more I felt I was connected to you. And then as I was sleeping I had a—a vision I guess." She looked back up, Zuko's mouth parted at the determination in her eyes. "And now I'm sure that I'm supposed to travel with you Zuko! I know I'm supposed to help you find the Avatar!"

Aaaah I can't tell if this is good XD. Let me know what you think and thank you so much for reading.

Writing this is actually more difficult than I thought. Writing for Zuko is challenging, but good practice for difficult characters. Like he's kinda an ass but also he's fighting with himself bc he secretly do want to be good. So writing his interactions with Nya is kinda tough. I'm also very thirsty for Zuko so I just wanna write some heavy make out scene. I'm going to write smut but I'm trying to go easy on it. But I want to but can't bc Zuko is not a slut so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.  But also I'm like choke me you sexy son of a bitch. Wow I have no chill ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

[darlington-johnson]

i’d put this on the vent but to be honest it’s more positivity than vent and i know that some people might need to hear this. (also i left ace is babey society and this is the only place i have like a mass gathering of my multiple friend groups GSHDBDF)

for the longest time i’ve been focusing on other people and how to please them, make them like me, etc. that i lost myself and forgot who i was before all of this. i spent so much time trying to connect with others that i neglected my old friends and relationships, often putting myself in stressful, unwinnable situations rather than surrounding myself with people who genuinely care for me. it only took me a few years but now i realize how unhealthy my obsession with trying to convince people to like me is; if they dont like me, then they don’t like me and thats okay. i dont need everyone to be my best friend or to think of me as an amazing person, i just need a few people who i can trust and laugh with and i already have them.

along with that, i decided that i’m going to be focusing on me more; trying to find out who i was again before i became such a people-pleaser. maybe i’ll voice my own opinion rather than just agreeing with what the other person said and maybe i won’t change my personality to fit the chemistry of the other. if we don’t agree and get along, then that’s that and i’m fine with that. its like that one marina and the diamonds song: “better to be hated than loved for what you’re not”

my only regret about this sudden realization is not discovering it sooner. its not worth crying over what other people think of me, and that applies to anybody. if you’re reading this and feel like i used to, don’t. you’ll feel so much better if you don’t change your personality and keep up a facade just to impress those around you; cause if they don’t like your real self, then they’re not worth being around anyways. don’t push your friends away either in favor of someone who seems disinterested in you, you’ll lose both. believe me, i’ve been there and now i’m in the aftermath, trying to pick up the pieces of the mess i made. there’s nobody to blame for this but me, which is why i’m going to work hard to try and fix this rather than mope around and belittle myself for a mistake. i can change, and so can you.

no one’s gonna take the time to read this but if you do thanks

every time i feel bad im gonna rb this to remind myself that i can do this.

[lovejess92]

Questions of my heart ?

I’ve been going through it, these couple of months and if i am even more honest this past two years. I’ve been questioning where my life is going?, where am I going? and whether I’m ready for the next phase in my life.?. I’ve been so focused on just working that I have not thought about anything other then that.

These thoughts have in a sense resurfaced from begining to date someone. I’ve dated a lot during these past 4 to 5 years after my ex partner and in all this time I have tried to keep a open mind and allow for the opportunity to reopen the idea of “love” with a partner. During this entire time the one thing that is true as it can be, is that if I do decide to be in a relationship once again I am no longer looking for a “lover or boyfriend” but rather a partner. Someone I share my world with and also grow while continuing to experience life. Many of my relationship have always ended up in a place where I end up giving everything in a relationship and putting myself and my goals in the back burner for my typical dream to have my own “family”. Now this is something that typically can occur when you’re in a relationship especially when you’re young and in love. In a small yet big part of my life I was completely in love with a person that I was willing to go to the ends of the world for. Sadly that relationship ended with me feeling completely lost of who I was left with. I felt that I had gave everything I had and in the end it was never enough. Within the relationship I found myself not being able to trust the silence of my home and my partner. Bringing me to feel powerless in my life, the need to control and lack of trust and respect. Although I was giving it my all and all the love I had for him it was not enough or how I really felt “I was not enough”. The more time we had together, the more distant I felt we were and the more afraid I became. I was in a relationship in which I want it more then he did. Although I carried his last name I still felt like the home we were working towards was never going to happen. His evasive words, the lies and multiple of times he would go and gamble “our” money made me feel so afraid that the man I had chosen was more in his world then he was in mine. I felt I was carrying a lie and a love that I was holding all on my own.

Growing up I had experienced having a abusive alcoholic stepfather, seeing a overdose in the living room of one of my many homes and sexual abusers in my life. All that were addict’s in their own shape or form. But I had never thought that the man I would fall in love with would resemble them in such a educated and sufisdicated way that I could fall in love. When you experience what I had lived you dont think this is what I want In my world or this is how I picture my future husband to be. You dream of this amazing partner that doesn’t resemble any of part of your past. How loving, caring, respect, trust worthy and loyal he will be. I was defenitly not ready to understand or know how it would be to actually be in love with someone who is an addict. Even when I had prepared myself mentally as much I could, I couldn’t really see what was coming next. When me and him had began he had been sober so I couldn’t see anything more then the love he would show and how caring he was. He was my Bestfriend and one of the people that I had truly become vulnerable and open with more then any family member, friend or boyfriend I had ever had. I couldn’t have known how difficult it could be and how scary it could feel to know that this one person had me in the palm of their hands and could go from loving me to completely making me feel hopeless and afraid in a matter of seconds. But I knew I couldn’t blame anyone except myself I had chosen him and had continued to choose him more and more along the road. Once the relationship ended I felt like a stray dog that had been kicked out of their own home still loving their guardians that no longer wanted them. I have to admit that when the relationship ended I was a complete mess I had episodes of crying out of no where in public, missing him like crazy, completely torn to being angry with him and me for the way it was done. For the first years I was still living with hope that one day he would show up and say how much he had missed me and that his love was never a lie and then it turned to at least hoping he would one day show up and apologize for the pain he had caused. I would go to church hoping that some how god would change his heart and many more things that in the end could not be changed and none of those hopes were going to come through. No apology letter was ever going to be send and none of the pain was going to be erased. After all of that I decided to change my point of view and continue on with refocusing all my energy into me trying to salvage what was left of who I was. By then I no longer felt like the old me, then again I never complete felt like myself I had friendships in my old life that were toxic and a life style that in reality I didn’t want to be in. After I had met my best friends I knew how different it was to have healthy friends in my life and how even though their life was very different from mine it was amazing to feel like I had a family that only wished me nothing but the best.

During these past years that I have been single and have dated I have been focusing more in myself and wanting to get a hold of myself. Even when I’ve wanted to experience being in a relationship I have focused more in my life and working. That in the end in all of my goals I don’t know how to picture someone with me and that complete makes me feel so afraid to even want to share myself, my time and life with anyone that isn’t myself. I’m so afraid to loose track of what I want to do and all for being with someone once again. The many thoughts of giving it all, once again back tracking in my goals, falling for the wrong person and sharing myself. Without wanting to admit that in a away the scars that were left really left me feeling like it was all of my fault, that maybe I could of done something different or I didn’t do enough resurface like if it was all just yesterday. I have learned to love and hate being single but most of all I’ve learned to love myself that now I’m selfish with myself and time that I start to resend certain people for not being able to be home alone.

I went to China and Korea during this past July, cried tears of joy for accomplishing my goal that I had planned since I moved back into the states and being able to manage my anxiety problems while I was in my longest flight and being in a country were language was completely difficult to understand. I felt so happy to be able to know that I had made it happen that I was thanking god for the opportunity that had shown up. But here I am wondering once again if I am truly ready to open the door to my heart. Can I once again after years of being single give someone a place in my heart without questioning myself, side tracking my goals and continue to grow. Am I even ready to for a new phase in my life ? These are only a couple of my thoughts.

[amourtaes-blog]

love it if we made it

song choice - love it if we made it by The 1975

Kim Taehyung. The most beautiful man to ever roam this world, at least to me. Also goes by V, 1/7 of the K-pop boyband, BTS! Born in Daegu, South Korea on the 30th of December 1995 making him a Capricorn. Collector of ties and admirer of Sir Vincent Van Gogh. Known for his 4D personality and breathtakingly symmetrical face.  A burning passion to act as he was in the drama, Hwarang. Parades around in Gucci but was brought up on a farm with his grandparents keeping him humble. Adores his parents and is a family man. Has the cutest boxy smile and adoring personality, he's kind and a great best friend according to Jimin. However, Jungkook says his personality is indescribable. He finds the moles that decorate his body interesting, even turning one into an elephant and likes to entertain whoever is around and himself by playing music and making a live music video. He is the social butterfly of the group, always making friends wherever he goes. He's innocent and playful, stubborn at times but deeply cares for everyone's well being. Quite frankly, he sounds perfect. This description right here isn't enough to give you even a rough idea of what he's like. I could go on for days talking about him but for now, this can do.

It's the 20th of July 2018, a Friday. A new "The 1975" song was released, Love It If We Made It. The first line clearly shocked me causing me to stop listening after a few more seconds, "Fucking in a car, shootin' heroin," I clearly wasn't expecting that. The rest of the day went by as a blur. I did the occasional housework and moped about, still feeling upset and drained from the past events of the week. I've been listening to Ariana Grande's new song, God Is A Woman, although I wasn't keen on the title I gave it a try and found myself addicted. It was quite a boring Friday, a long day of nothing specific. Nothing, in particular, roamed my brain apart from a growing sadness that I chose to ignore. Yet, the banging drums of the new The 1975 song rang through the back of my head. No matter what I did or heard, it was all I could hear so I decided to give it another try. Of course, yet again, I loved it The 1975 never disappoint me and I always find myself loving their new music. But this. This was special. I say this with all of their songs but currently, it felt like it touched my heart in places I wasn't aware of. The chorus grabbed at my heartstrings making me feel so deeply in love and straight away my mind went to him.

It kept me awake for most of the night, not once did I get bored of this song. It made me feel everything at once and I love songs like that. Songs that make me feel uneasy because it's not easy to describe how they make me feel. The song wasn't even about love, but the vibe and beat made me feel like I was gonna run away with the love of my life and watch the sunset. Till 4, the song was on repeat, full blast as I got lost into the depths of Tumblr, adoring and examining his face. Every second passed and I hoped that I could run away but with him, watching the sunset and not giving a care in the world. Just focusing on each other.

Just before the sun started rising I started to head to bed, hoping to put myself at peace even though every cell in my body was awake, buzzing at the beat of the song. Yearning to hear it for "just one more time" but a light wave of sleep sat on my eyes, Very light actually, hardly 2kg. I packed up and headed upstairs not bothering to wash my face as my body ached with pain and sadness, still I ignored it. Crying for hours 2 days beforehand was enough to drain my body of any emotion.

Laying in bed was torturous, especially since the arms that engulfed me once provided me with tranquility but now the owner of the arms sat on the center of my mind. Multiple attempts to get a few hours of deep, comfortable sleep fell through quickly as I tossed and turned, my mind racked with everything but the need to sleep. The song also occupying my mind, the quiet of the room only making it amplify. It was all so noisy. The song and my troubles attacking me from every direction, not giving me any chance to fall into a much-needed slumber. Long sighs left my lips and the party beside me was not having it. He knew deep in my intellect was a bustling mess of thoughts. Curiosity got the best of him and he was speaking before he could register what he was saying in his head. "Something on your mind?" Gently I looked to my side, my vision being blessed with the heart-stopping view. "Is it that obvious?" I chuckled, now aware of how crazy I must've looked. His hand came to caress my cheek, the softest fingertips grazing over my flesh made me breathless. "Wanna talk about it babygirl?" He hummed, moving his hand down to my inner shoulder rubbing gentle circles to calm me down. I let out a big huff, I could keep this in and enjoy how his skin feels against mine or I could clear my head once and for all, it's not like I would get any sleep if I chose the first option. I bore into his eyes trying to figure out which option I should take, I was pulled out of my trance when I saw his eyes flick vigorously between mine; searching for my answer. "Sure," I cleared my throat and sat up, ready to let this out once and for all to the person I loved the most. He too sat up ready to listen and understand, compassion glazed over his eyes.

"No one loves me Taehyung!" I sighed feeling a small weight being lifted off of me. His eyes almost popped out of his eyes and he reached forward ready to interject, to tell me I'm wrong, "No don't," I stopped him "Let me," He sat back intrigued as to what nonsense I was mewing. "Repeatedly I've been told no one likes me or someone has a problem with me. My family said it and so have my friends over the years. Not one friend or family member I had didn't tell me they found faults in who I was. It got boring Tae and I started to believe it, I still do. Especially when you hear it from someone you love and trust fully. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much. I just feel unloved and that I've been lied to all my life. I feel useless and disappointed. Disappointed that I'm not enough for people and disappointed in myself for fully trusting people so quickly. I'm so lost and confused now, each day feels as if it has no meaning and I dont know if I wanna be here to deal with each day because all I can think about is what I did wrong and if I'll ever be able to be loved? I don't want to eat or sleep or interact with people that aren't my best friend. Each conversation I try to hold feels like a chore. I feel like I failed, I let people win over me, I called defeat while they carry on living their best lives. Now there's nothing left for me to do, I'm just living for the sake of it. Each day all I do is wallow in self-pity rather than moving on with the people who do truly love me because it's empty inside now, there's a big hole punctured in by the people who pretended to love me and care. If I think about my future I just think about running away from my current situation and starting afresh with my best friend. Going somewhere where I don't know anyone and starting new relationships but choosing carefully so I don't feel the same heartbreak again. I want a change, a new beginning, a fresh start." Tears pricked at my eyes as I poured out the worries that ached at my heart but a smile still creeping up on my face as I thought about being with people who truly love me.

"Leyya, I love you! More than anyone and I want you to know that. For me, you're everything and I mean that I promise." Tae lovingly confessed, his hands latching onto mine reassuringly. My smile slowly melted from my face, another worry itching at my head. "You don't Tae because you're not real! You aren't here right now; this is all a figment of my imagination. This is what I wish for every night, to be held in your arms and to hear your heartbeat right next to my ear as I sleep. To be your one and only, the love of your life. The only person you look at and the only person to be loved by you but that's not happening and it will never happen. You're Korean and 9 years older than me, a famous K-pop idol adored by many and you live in Seoul approximately 5,000 miles away from me. Lastly, you don't know me and you never will. Even if I do meet you, you'll see me as an ARMY, not as someone who you could possibly fall in love with. It sounds so ridiculous but this out of all things hurts the most, the harsh reality. I'm loving someone with my whole heart who doesn't even know I exist or how much I'm devoted to him. There are probably millions of people who feel the same, I'm nothing special just another in the mass of people. You made me fall in love with you from so far away and it wasn't how good looking you were or who you were. It was you, the real Kim Taehyung. I'm in love with how real and sincere you are, your goofiness and randomness. I love everything about you, the good and the bad, the ups and downs. I want to experience them all but I won't. Ever. It feels as if my heart is being ripped from my chest as I say this but its the truth and I have to face that I won't ever get you, I won't ever be lucky enough to know you personally. You will always be Taehyung; my bias from BTS who I love so dearly but no one understands because to everyone else I'm just a teenage girl going through her one of many phases. If it's a phase why does it hurt to love you?" At this point, tears were streaming down my face and I was holding onto Tae's hand for my dear life, he sat there watching me come undone not saying a word because I was right and he knew it. The Tae sitting in front of me wasn't real, I made him up to help comfort me.

My breathing started to steady itself as I took all the energy I had left to focus on my breathing. We both sat in a comfortable yet endearing silence, I was thankful he didn't push or question my words instead, he let me get all the shit I was bottling up out. The sun started to rise and I felt sleep descending onto my lids. Tae sensed my exhaustion and laid down with his arms open, inviting me to join him. Sighing contently, a sleepy smile overtook my face. I snuggled into his side and clutched onto his body with my dear life, not wanting the moment to conclude. For once I didn't feel as heavy but there was still something there, eating and gnawing at me but like I always do, I chose to ignore it. There was still something more, some unsaid words that I didn't choose to air, I can't air them because it hurts too much to talk about.

The chorus of the song played but this time faintly without a jumbled mess of worries interfering, it spread bliss throughout my body. "I'd love it if we made it!" The words lulled over again and again. Would I be able to make it? Will this emptiness be filled with happiness or more sorrow? I'm aware he isn't real but I love how warm he is, despite it being hot, his warmth isn't only in temperature but he makes me feel safe and wanted. He makes me want to cry and jump in joy that he's here but cry also in despair as he's not really with me. I'm just holding onto the fact that what my brain made could be real. His embrace was secure yet relaxing, it didn't feel forced, it felt just right. My eyes slowly blinked closed and my limbs fell free against his body. A neat kiss was sweetly placed on my forehead and collected breathing lay close by your ear.

"You are loved!"

(i made my mom cry pt2)

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode #1: “brb gotta go to dinner” - Logan

This is literally the worst possible outcome, I would know the 10 fkers on the other tribe and only know of like 2 people on this tribe, sayonara it's a wrap a mere 5 minutes after the cast reveal concluded.

Omg! So this game started and i landed on a short witches tribe.. Maybe we are short but the humor around Helgamine is definitely tall. Love my tribemates! They are a bunch of really chill and fun to talk to people. At this stage of the game my goal is to get a good grasp on the already existing pre-game relationships within people. This knowledge will allow me to know what to say and to who. Other than that i'm focused on developing bonds with people without approaching them with gametalk. A pretty slow start for me, i don't need at all to jump into making alliances left and right. It's the beginning so its important to just leave a good (and non threatning) impression on my  tribemates.Those people seem to want to CALL a lot during the day JASHDKGAHD and i'm still exhausted from study group calls for exams so.. i'm not gonna be trying to do a lot of that. I'm however really excited for what's this game is going to bring up <3

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Gonna do my own first impressions as well, to put some of my thoughts together.

Daisy - oh how i love her.. She's so positive and adorable. We have a pending plan for a call and I'm really looking forward to it. She's more experienced in discord ORGs than me and we are both BaR winners so.. we gotta work together. At least for now. She seems like someone that would be a bigger threat than me down the road.. I feel like we have a potential to work together well and I'd want to establish a duo with her and be partners in crime in this tribe. <3

Scott - OMG the only person in this whole cast that i actually knew before this game? we didn't talk in like 4 years but when i saw him in this cast i literally gasped. I enjoyed catching up with him and he is definitely someone i could see myself aligning with. Yesterday we shared each other concerns about a mention of alliances and alliance calls. And neither of us  introduced gametalk with other tribemates. He also mentioned that he wants me to be his #1 in this game. And i'm digging that!

Rob - OKAY our conversation on day 1 was p much awkward.. We have a mutual friend from the fb org and he was mad at me for winning an ORG over her and he literally didn't hestitate on letting me know that.. But we talked a lot yesterday and found out many common interests. He wants us to be like Fenella and Shonee and i mean why not? I really like talking to him but i'm not sure if i can trust him yet. He's the first person that reached out to me about doing a call and we did one today LMAO i had a lot of fun. He's definitely very social so keeping him as close as possible to me can only bring me some benefits. stan him tho <3

Seamus - Someone who i saw around forever but never had any opportunity to talk or meet his ass.  i just vibe w/ his clowny personality and already called him a caveman and a half british. <3 hoping to build a good connection here.

Logan - Funny and very active. He definitely stands out as he talks the most in the tribe chat and plans all the tribe calls. We had some good convos so far, mainly about total drama. Love watching his videos for this immunity challenge KSAJDHG but other than that i'm not sure how i feel about him but i would like to get close to him and work together when the game gears will switch on

Jules - She's so adorable and our talks are very cute but... they don't happen very often.  And she's not really contributing in the challenge so far which i really hope is going to change because in case we lose i fear that people will view her as an easy prey for the first boot? I hope that won't be the case and that she's going to snap cuz i think she's lovely and i enjoy our conversations.

Conor - Didn't have much to write about him until today. He just dyed his hair to the same color i got last summer so we have no choice but to stan. For real tho, we are the only europeans on this tribe (maybe even entire game?) but i don't have much to say about him. Curious how he will approach the game once we are forced to start playing.

Gage - Hmmmm! I like him, but don't really have any kind of trust towards him. He's just quite flirty and the flow of our conversations is weird/forced? I can't stop thinking abt Dean Kowalski and Spencer whenever he messages me.. It's like he's their survivor child.

Vincent - Great he immediately brought up his twin brother with who i played twice and ended him... twice as well. I literally have no idea how or what to talk about with him :/

Hmm the challenge is almost over

I definitely wasn't a challenge MVP by any means. I think everyone but Scott outscored me. But I did a lot better than I could have expected at the challenge start. 65 points isn't a Dooze-level score but it's a lot better than the 30 points I was expecting earlier.

Click HERE to watch Billy’s Round 1 Video!

Lol I'm super happy to be apart of this season!! So far it's turning out to be a great one and I'm hoping that I can do what I need to in order to get far.

Not gonna lie I just had a feeling we were gonna lose this challenge. Like I just... stink at challenges and knew I wasn't going to do well. So I just made sure I didn't have the worst score. Which I hope puts me in the clear. However, i lowkey get the vibe I might be going just cause the conversations are so... bland. Like no ones come purposing an alliance and such. I know I don't want to be the first person to do so, which means someone's gonna have to step up.

Anyways, here's my thoughts on everyone.

Szymon: he's cool, definitely my #1 out here, we've known each other from previous orgs and such. Seamus: I know who he is from tumblr,  but I don't know him that well. he seems chill. Daisy: Queen, shes an icon and O hope she can be my female iconic duo Logan: He seems like he wants to be THAT person who likes to be in control of everything, but doesn't want to come off as controling everything. So I let him think he owns me :) Vincent: I like him, he's a cool guy and one of the few I've talked to the most. He already told me about his vote steal and I'm just like "damn, look at you go!" Conor: He's cool too! I enjoy talking to him when I wake up in the morning. I like hearing about him and his boyfriend too. Gage: home boy likes to flirt around with everyone doesn't he. i'll play a long, but leaving a mental note to not go far with him. Jules: They're cool, not really that social tho but they try. Rob: I forget that he's on this season oops.

I really thought I was gonna get the boot first cause everyone is just so quiet. But the conversations seem to be between Jules and Vincent. Which I'm personally okay with either of them as long as I'm still here. I'd prefer Rob though just cause he doesn't make an effort to talk to me that much, but it is what it is.

Let's hope I get by this round and can survive the first boot. I like to think I can, but you never know with this group.

Click HERE to watch Cindi’s Round 1 Video!

Click HERE to watch Dylan G’s Round 1 Video!

Tribe Assessment:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bPt3M2z-Yw&feature=youtu.be

Day 2 Confession:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU2v9ChlOm4&feature=youtu.be

THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA SAY IM NOT ACTIVE JUST BECAUSE I DONT GIVE MY BLOOD SWEAT TEARS AND COOCHIE TO TALKING TO ALL THESE FUCKING MEN???????? LIKE???? YALL ARE TIRING! YALL ARE ALSO LOVELY BUT I CANNOT TAKE ALL THIS MALE ENERGY!!!!! PLS UNDERSTAND!!!! P L E A S E!!!! MEN SUCK BYE

we lost the challenge which sucked. but i really like my tribe. everyone seems chill. i didnt think we were gonna win the challenge though becase several people didnt rlly try to even get 100. so originally i thought it would just be a super easy vote on vincent because he isnt very chatty, but logan is annoying everyone. asking to one on one call and sinking his own ship by pushing so hard (giggity) for jules to go home. so i think either logan or vincent will go this round

I’m liking my tribe mates more than I expected. I’m just trying to play it cool so I make it to merge. I feel like that’s everyone’s goal. I love the alliance of Cindi, both Dylan’s and myself. I’m hoping that we stick together, because I feel like we can be a really strong alliance moving forward. I also think I might be good with Beck, because they’re dating Asya and we played a game together a couple years ago. Asya apparently still really likes me from what Beck said. So woo! Let’s continue the good vibes.

Click HERE to watch Beck’s Round 1 Video!

Click HERE to watch Ali’s Round 1 Video!

So past 4 hours is a lot to process, but basically i got home expecting a pretty easy vote on Vincent. He's a great kid that but have to think about performing well in the challenges as a tribe. So then miss Logan decided to play as if it was merge and not day 3 and just went off with targetting Jules?? I am not having any of that because Jules is too fun to talk so i made sure to let Jules know immediately of what was going on. I believe i was the first to warn her of what's happening so that brings us two closer. Logan then went on calls with everyone individually, ending my call in such a shady way with an excuse of having a dinner... when he was just going to call with Seamus. And he told Seamus that he was currently eating the dinner.. WHAT? Anyway just got the tea that Logan was making multiple trios as well. WHY DO YOU NEED TO PLAY SO HARD? THIS GAME HAS JUST STARTED skjdghd

I feel really bad because he said that he was the first boot the last time he played due to playing hard. But this is just him... not learning from his past mistakes at all :/ Im sorry but i don't feel comfortable moving forward with such a ticking bomb. Neither he or Vincent have any benefit for my game at this point so Im hoping this plan that we put in motion with Daisy to get rid of Logan works, and then we have Vincent as an easy vote next time we lose.

Click HERE to watch Rob’s Round 1 Video!

Click HERE to watch Conor’s Round 1 Video!

Click HERE to watch Dylan’s Round 1 Video!

So I'm more optimistic now that I've properly gotten to know a lot of my tribe, I think I'm socially in a good place but I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and get lazy with communication. I love the little group I've got with Beck, Cindi and Dylan and I think Dylan G and Christian or Chips would fit in like a glove if we ever visit tribal council, and we needed to bring in another couple of people.

All I have to say before tribal is that I really... finessed this vote.

Logan got lose and decided to voice call everyone telling them that they need to vote Daisy. Which made a lot of people more on edge to vote out Vincent. I don't want Vincent to go because I think he's still useful. He has the vote steal advantage and I think he's someone who trusts me. He might not be a number for other people, but Vincent is a number for me. SO I want to keep him around as much as I can cause I trust Vincent more than Logan. So to save Vincent, I decided to throw Logan under the bus and push for him to go. I'm glad I did that since that got traction with Szymon and Daisy on board with voting Logan. However, they weren't enough so I campaigned to Seamus, Gage, and Rob to vote Logan out. They were hesitant at first, but they eventually came around and got on the ship to vote Logan out. I had to voicecall Gage, Rob, and Szymon to convince them but I'm glad it worked. I mean, i had to throw out there that I had an alliance with Logan and Vincent in order to get them to expose Logan's other alliances, but I did what I needed to do in order to save Vincent. So with everyone on board to vote out Logan, I think I set myself up to be in a good spot moving forward.

If I'm gonna be the move maker this season, then I guess I'm starting out the game with one of the biggest moves yet. Poor logan being the first boot AGAIN, but that's what happens when you decide to scramble your butt off.

Click HERE to watch Gage’s Round 1 Video!

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Logan is voted out 8-1. He is the first person voted out of Celestial: Behemoth.

Watch the Round 1 Cast Assessment with Anna/Jack/Jones & Alyssa below:

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL 

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything. 

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole. 

[tonedpins]

One rule for the cunts and one rule for everyone else.

I received this lovely ask today and now is the time for me to answer…

To put you in context, I received an anonymous message 2 days ago (to which I’m pretty sure this one is related to) that I decided not to reply to for a couple of reasons. The most important reason being that it’s related to one of my personal friend, named in said message, and I don’t want that person to feel like they have to address it publicly if they don’t want to, the choice is theirs to make.

The message was asking me about why I had not said anything about my friend meeting Catherine when I had been so quick to judge people at the stage door in Bath, and then went on to say that my friend followed Catherine to have a conversation with her and feel like she’s better than everybody else, the message also said ‘‘that’s like not overly familiar at all’’.Here are the twitter post I made about the stage door situation;

I’ve just witness the most ridiculous behaviour from people that call themselves fans, since when backing someone in a corner is acceptable?

I felt so bad for Jemma, she was clearly feeling stock and wanted some room to move… and Jules was just a sweetheart trying to help

I wish I was, and honestly I don’t care that this might make me hated by some of the fandom but it needed to be said!

I dont know how anyone could feel good about taking a picture with them in that kind of environnement

My Twitter is x0xmarie0x0 and the post where made on April 1st, 2017

(To those wondering, I checked and I didn’t made a post on Tumblr related to this, I thought I had but apparently not) 

I still stand by what I said that day, now, if you were there and have a completely different feeling about how things went, it’s your opinion and I respect it, but this is how I personally felt and it’s not going to change. This was not normal stage door behaviour, I get being excited but it doesn’t excuse invading people’s personal space like some did. I also know I’m not the only person who felt that way. I have personally waited at a stage door for a mega movie star in the past and even that wasn’t as intense as what happened that day.

Like I said, I’m not going to name or tag the person about whom those messages seems to be related to because I want them to be able to choose to address it or not, it’s their choice, not mine to make. (I have deleted posts that would have made it clear as to whom it is for this exact reason) What I can tell you about them is that yes, they indeed had an ‘‘out of the ordinary’’ moment with Catherine and I’m one of the few that person chose to share it with. I’m not going to give any specific details about it, not only for them but also to respect Catherine and what she decided to share or not share with that person. I don’t know how the words got out and how this anon heard about it, I’ve personally shared a bit more details than what I’m writing here to some friends I trust wouldn’t have said anything. The only thing I might have told (or been overheard sharing) is how Catherine told that person Jemma was going to be at that specific representation of WTBS, it is the only way I could see as to how that anon knew I knew about my friend and Catherine meeting. The last thing I can had about this meeting is that they have not followed Catherine anywhere in the way the message implied, I know for a fact that person was thinking about not meeting Catherine at all during their trip.

I want to make it clear that I do not think my friend or myself are perfect, or that my opinion (or theirs) is better than anyone else. I’m also not doing this just to defend someone I care about, I’m doing this because I’m sick and tired of fandom wars and people not being respectful towards one another. I don’t believe in going into people ask box, using the anonymous feature, to call people names (in this case c*nts… really, what are we, 10yrs old?) and try to start fights. Don’t you think maybe people would feel more free about sharing their experiences if they didn’t have to be scared some people would get jealous and start harassing them or their friends? I have heard about private messsage boards/forums where people actually ask members to harass others because they said something they didn’t agree with or felt like something someone said was disrespectful towards Catherine or Jemma. That’s what I call online bullying and being someone who was the victim of this specific kind of bullying I cannot stay silent about this.

I know that I am a really opinionated person (I mean, look at the size of this post) and sometimes I understand how people could interpret it as me thinking I’m better than others (which I swear I don’t) and I sometimes react a bit too quickly and don’t take time to process things before publicly saying something. I made friends in this fandom with people I don’t always agree with (including the friend I’m specifically talking about here) and, in all honesty, I sometime even feel a tiny bit of jealousy when it comes to my (berena) friends having opportunities or experiences I don’t or didn’t get to have. I am far from being perfect and definitely never thought me or any of my friends are, I’ll be the first to admit when I was wrong about something (even if it hurts my ego) and am ready to talk things out with people when needs to be. I certainly don’t know everything but one thing I do know is that no one deserve to ever feel like they are less than others or that they don’t have the right to enjoy things because others don’t think they should.

I’m also going to take the time to rant (because let’s face it, this is partly what I’m doing here) on a couple of different things; 

Catherine and Jemma DO NOT have to do all the things they do for us, it’s nice of them to take the time to share part of their time and lives and I think it’s our responsibility to make sure they have a great time doing it. I’m not saying we have to agree with all they do or say, but we can make sure that even when we don’t we all stay polite towards them and each other.

One of the particularity of this fandom is how much we try to support both Catherine and Jemma but also their friends and family. I personally follow most of their family members on most social media, and I’m the first one to admit I shouldn’t interact with them as much as I do, but I think it’s important to remember that some of them are less comfortable with the attention than others and they don’t have to deal with their mum/wife/sister/friend fans like they do and we should all stay respectful of their boundaries. I’m just trying to say that maybe we should evaluate the reasons why we support them and then adapt our support accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with you going to see one of Sam show because you really find him funny (I’m planning on doing it next time I’m in London), nothing wrong if you love Poppy’s music and poetry (I know I personally love all of it) and want to tell her about it, nothing wrong if you are excited about Gab’s new/latests projects, but all of it isn’t right if you do it only to get recognition from Catherine and Jemma. These people are their owns entities and they deserve to be loved and respected for who they are and not because of whom their parents are.

Conventions season is here and a lot of lucky people will get to meet both Jemma and Catherine in London (sadly I won’t be able to attend), and the week after, Jemma in Birmingham (I’ll be there), so please people, make the experiences enjoyable for not only Jemma and Catherine but for all the other fans going. This includes not screaming random stuff to get their attention while they are meeting up with people (I’ve seen this happen, I should really say experienced it, in Bath and in all honesty those people are really lucky I didn’t want to cause a scene), some people might be more nervous than others, some might take a bit more time with them for a lot of reasons, some might choose to share private things with them they don’t want to tell everyone else so please mind your own business until it’s your time with them. I would also encourage people to help eachother out, if it’s not your first time at a Con and you realize it’s the first time for someone else and they don’t really know how it works give them pointers, if you see someone being so nervous they feel like running away, they might simply need for someone to be there and tell them it’s going to be alright. If it’s your first time doing this kind of thing, please do a bit of research, it will help you and others in the long run (I know it did for me). Last thing, if it’s not your first time meeting them, be mindful of that and let others have their moments with them too, we want as many people as possible to be able to experience this at its fullest and to have fun doing it. At the end of the day, what we want is for them to continue doing these kind of things with us, isn’t it? So please, don’t be an a*shole.

Catherine is really open, and I mean REALLY open about stuff online which means that we also are pretty open in the way we reply to her (me the first) but I’ve seen some weird and maybe a bit to personal and inappropriate things being said to her on Twitter, so for the love of god (or whatever you believe in) please remember that this is public and for everyone to see and that she’s human and even though I’m sure she doesn’t get shocked by much maybe they are things she shouldn’t or doesn’t want to know.

I could definitely go on and on (as you can probably tell by the length of this post) but I will stop after these few words;

The Berena fandom was (and still is) a really special place for a lot of people and it pains me to see that yet again a fandom I liked can’t seem to stick together because of different opinions on multiple of subjects. We have the chance to be in a fandom that connect people from different part of the world, coming from different backgrounds, different age groups, and we all connected with Berena for so many different reasons. Shouldn’t this be enough?

And to this lovely anon (I’m pretty sure I know who you are) next time you have something to tell me, please come off anon and let’s have a nice and civilise conversation (in private or publicly) but please know that I do not respond well to people calling me, or my friend, c*nts and I won’t let anyone try to intimidate me (been there, done that, not gonna let it happen again) so, you can stop this right now. And to anyone who doesn’t like me or what I have to say, it’s fine, you have the right to, ignore me (that’s what I usually do) or even block me if you need to but please don’t try to pick fights with me or the people I care about. (Collectormania won’t be the moment to try to speak to me unless you have something nice to say, I’m going there to enjoy myself and spend time with people I love and to meet Jemma not to create drama, leave me alone!)

On this note,

Good Night!

[shadehunters]

soooo shadowhunters amiright?

okay yall so i’m just putting my thoughts down on this post after watching 2x09 and I have a lot of feelings about it. Most of this will be negative and very angry sounding so if that’s not your cup of tea than you should ignore this, otherwise feel free to agree or disagree. All of this is my personal opinion too so dont expect well thought out or well written meta either

Okay? cool.

(spoilers below the cut)

Alright so first of all:

I have sooooooo many issues with the shit that’s going down this season so first and foremost imma talk about my girl Maia

Why in gods name would Maia Roberts ever try to kill Clary?? 

First of all Maia is incredibly smart and tactical, so why would she ever try and kill Clary, a girl she was on friendly terms with, in broad daylight in front of her pack leader, another shadowhunter, and Simon? Also she tried to do it alone so that makes no fucking sense either; she knows how much the shadowhunters and Luke care about Clary so why bother going after her without any backup?? Ridiculous. (lmao what is characterization)

Secondly, and most important, Maia was abused and neglected by her own family. So it makes 0 sense to me that she would try to kill Clary and blame her for what Valentine shitty-parent-of-the-century Morgenstern is trying to do. In fact Maia seems like the least likely person to attack Clary cause she’s a) Simons best friend, b) Luke’s daughter (basically), and c) would never try to attack someone who’s been used and abused in a similar way that she had. She would never. (the show hasn’t gotten into Maias backstory yet so i’m basing this off of the her backstory from the books. They might change it in the show so i’ll stay tuned for that but even if they did change it, her feelings about clary still don’t make sense).

Not only that but Maia is canonically biracial in the books, and as a biracial girl myself, it is incredibly disheartening to see a character who is like you, being sweet and funny in one episode, and in the next be vilified by the writers. It’s also why i’m extremely protective of Maia because she’s one of the few characters that i identify with. 

Now I say vilified because literally Maia was the only one who actively tried to kill Clary. Sure, Meliorn and Raphael suggested it but they never actually acted on their threats. Neither of them actually tried to hurt Clary so now i’m just confused. Way to go Freeform. (There better be a legit explanation for this or todd is gonna catch these hands)

Which brings me to my next point:

Why in the name of all that is holy would Luke Garroway, my father, ever lock her away in a closet???

Yes it was a closet, a supply closet to be exact, and it was just shoddy writing at best. First of all Maia is a fucking werewolf, no supply closet is gonna be able to keep her locked up, so Luke?? wyd bro?? He’s literally a cop who has access to 24 hour detention centers like are yall shitting me rn???

Second Maia said in the episode that she’s claustrophobic, and what’s worse is that Luke knows this. He knows she can’t handle small enclosed spaces. So locking her away was straight up irresponsible, especially for a pack leader like him, because she could panic, transform (which is exactly what happens), and potentially hurt people. Luke knows this and yet he still does it anyway. It would make more sense if he forbid her from leaving the Jade Wolf and ordered the pack to keep her in line but that’s not what he does. And i’m frustrated that that is the decision he makes (once again what is characterization) because he knows how Maia will react. Its stupid and, frankly, she didn’t deserve that at all. 

Now here’s the other thing:

Why the fuck is raph/izzy happening?

It literally makes no sense to me whatsoever and it’s a ship that came out of the left field and blindsided everyone. Seriously who thought this was a good idea?

I hate this ship for several reasons:

1) It’s born out of a codependent drug addiction. There is nothing romantic or cute about a relationship like that nothing. Isabelle went to Raph thinking he’s helping her with her addiction but all he’s doing is supplying her with her fix and not actually helping her get over it. She’s using him for his venom and he’s likewise using her for her blood. WHAT ABOUT THIS IS ROMANTIC AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE????

2) It’s mentioned by both Magnus and Victor that Raphael has struggled with resisting human blood in the past (the past being around the time he was turned) and Magnus helped him get over it. But that was decades ago (around the 1950s to be exact). You’d think that Raphael would have a hell of a lot more self control when it comes to human and shadowhunter blood, especially since the clave has a record of his past misdemeanors and he’s recovered from his own past addiction. 

Also, and this is my main point of confusion, why the fuck would Raphael Santiago ever help feed a shadowhunters venom addiction, especially a Lightwood?? Raphael was alive when the Lightwoods joined the Circle, he knows their history, and he literally watched as Isabelle helped Simon and Clary escape with Camille, a person who is arguably one of the biggest threats to the NY vampire clans existence. If anything he’d be resentful of her because she’s the reason Camille threatened the clan again. Not only that but shadowhunters in general have made his life a living hell: they’ve threatened his clan multiple times, blamed him for Camilles escape, and literally tortured him. Raphael would never fully trust a shadowhunter or be with one intimately, especially Isabelle. She seems like the last person he’d want to be with.

speaking of Isabelle...

What the hell were they thinking?

Honestly I want a goddamn answer because I genuinely want to know why they decided drugs would be Isabelle’s storyline this season???

Jem Carstairs already had the yin fen storyline and I truly don’t understand why they gave her Jem’s storyline when they had other options. Like why is Izzy Maryse’s least favorite child (or why is Maryse harder on Izzy than she is on the other Lightwoods)? Shit she could’ve been researching for a way to rescue the downworlders Valentine has trapped but nooooo I gotta watch this garbage.

Not to mention the fact that one of the few latina characters (idc what Emeraude says Izzy is Latina) on the show has been turned into a drug addict i.e. a really negative stereotype (I don’t want to get into this too much because i’m not latinx and can’t speak on this accurately, i’m just going off of what other latinx fans have been saying). There were other storyline ideas that the writers could’ve gone with for Isabelle this season but they choose drugs??? Sorry but I don’t want to watch that when my faves onscreen time is better spent being the kind, badass, smart character she was last season. I want to see Isabelle being the best forensic pathologist in new york not depending on raphael to get her venom. No thanks.

Also I feel like they’re totally mischaracterizing my girl here. I mean the second she found out Victor gave her vampire venom she should’ve gone to Magnus or Alec. I mean I know izzy is proud but she’s also dedicated to her family and to being a shadowhunter, and yin fen gets in the way of both those things. Isabelle is more than this and i’m mad that this is how they’re treating her this season.

alright i think thats it for now, as you can see im very heated abt this and i hope the writers will explain or fix everything in due time 

[survivortongatapu]

Episode 3 : Like He Lost Tag On The Playground | Andrew Gentile

So few subjects to choose from to entertain myself Too high to competently do this education stuff Too many grains of rice to eat I need a bagel with loxspread because I'm Jewish

The motivation to show that I'm manly, good at challenges and have lots of testosterone is not worth all this pain of clicking stupid numbers in the multiplication table. I keep telling myself I'm doing it for two charities: - The sanity of my tribe - The children

Literally 9x6=potato at this point

Lol being immune and lurking? I’m in Ecuador going to the Galapagos rn so outcast island is the best thing ever.

So I have no idea where I stand on my tribe at all! I'm initiating most of the conversations that I have which sucks! And I'm trying my best to form bonds but also not try too hard! 

��hope i can get enough to win this immunity to be honest i am glad i was not voted out 

We lost the challenge and I'm just woo! Jordan got a lucky pass and only got to submit 30 points had that been me I would have been voted out smh. Kaci got evacuated to Outcast island luckily so no drama tonight!

YES! we won rip kaci but woo us i hope we can keep winning

So IDK what the heck our vote was last round. I thought everyone was voting for Adrian but instead it was a huge mess. Basically I'm glad we won because otherwise I think we'd be in for another messy tribal council. 

his confessional will probably be a little less filled up than normal because: A. Free Rice took up all my time of socializing with people B. No tribal but on the other hand, i got the highest score in Free Rice which idk what to feel about it. It's good because I helped my tribe win, but bad because.. challenge threat label? But having a challenge threat label in Ausvivor when.. half the game is premerge won't affect me much. Only thing really going on is the Reward/Idol System... APPARENTLY Andrew found half of a Super Idol on the Purple Rock... and we need to find the Purple Rock. He said he told me, yes, ME! because he trusts me the most which is GREAT. Also though, I'm talking to Charlotte and she's done the EXACT SAME THING as Andrew on both times she's gone to the Idol System, first time, they both grabbed the torch in the cave, second time, Andrew got the Purple Rock like... 2 minutes before her which SUCKS for her. But I'm glad Charlotte is telling me about it too. I got a disadvantage for our tribe in the next challenge because I searched in the top hole of a tree, which Pocket told me to search in because he did the bottom and middle holes, but whatever! Antoine went into the bush on the clear path, and did the Yellow Rock. My goal right now is to figure out what most people on our tribe have done for the Idol System so I can have a greater knowledge of it and find out where idols are! Overgrown -> Keep Going = END Clear -> Top Hole = DISADVANTAGE Clear -> Middle Hole = END Clear -> Bottom Hole = END Clear -> Keep Walking -> Bush = END Clear -> Keep Walking -> Keep Walking -> Yellow Rock = DISADVANTAGE Clear -> Keep Walking -> Keep Walking -> Blue Rock = ? Clear -> Keep Walking -> Keep Walking -> Purple Rock = HALF SUPER IDOL Clear -> Keep Walking -> Keep Walking -> None = ? Rocky -> Cave -> Grab Torch = END Here's my list of what I know so far, so I wanna know what happens on the Overgrown and Rocky sections now. Outcast Island is also having its first Tribal, and I'm assuming Conor or Kaci will go because they're more inactive. And besides that... nada! I have WAY better strategic relationships with people now because everyone talked game last round. I feel so much more aggressive and proactive in this game! It's really nice getting what I want. Like I've never done that in games before so being able to have more control over my fate is SOOOO nice and strategy is.. kinda, sorta fun! So I'm having a great time and playing the game, and I guess I can just hope I win.

We lose. Johnny no lifing does NOT prevail RIP Kaci. She would've been a good ally, but she's a fool and didn't tell RTP that she was excusing herself for the challenges, which is kinda playing survivor 101 if you know you're not going to be here, which is fucking tragic, but it's okay. Maybe her pretty face can make her way back into the game from outcast island. WE SHALL SEE

So things are goinf well...-ish. We might have lost the challenge but we don’t have to go to tribal thanks to Kaci’s absence. Thank god. I think if we went to tribal now it would all blow up, I still want time to soldify the bonds I’ve made, so no matter what i have options when things do inevitably change.

I really hope we'll win the challenge tonight. I'm worried I might have to fight for my spot if we lose! I hope those hidden rewards are worth it cause they are hard to find.

So Tim basically has attached himself to my hip as a dynamic duo in this game. Honestly, I am perfectly okay with that. I feel like Tim will be a particularly loyal ally to my cause, and he will definitely boost my reputation on this tribe. Still working on getting in with Stephen, but I feel like I have done that successfully. Johnny is another potential ally on this tribe and lord knows I need to start earning them.

bye trip and your idol hehehe

Y'ALL I'VE FINALLY DONE IT! AFTER TOO MANY GAMES TO NAME I HAVE FINALLY FOUND AN IDOL. And it's a ruby idol, so I can't wait to fuck shit up. I'm not telling anyone about it either cause I trust no one :)

Glad we won this challenge, but I am starting to get nervous. By this point I expected strategy to come into play a bit more, with people already starting to talk about who they want gone. But thats not happening. Tribal would, at least, reveal alliances and start the game going. That being said every round we win is a round I’m 100% safe, and a round I could find an advantage in reward.

I love that we won immunity! It's such a great feeling to not have to worry about going to tribal. Also, RIP Trip. It's sad that the person who sacrificed himself for us was voted out first. Though I do doubt if there was ever any hope for him seeing as he would have had zero connections. At the very least, Kaci is surviving which is good for me since she is someone I would like to work with. If Adrian comes back, though, I could very easily use him to take out his other tribemates like Jay. Hopefully, he is bitter enough to do that.

I CANT THIS TRIBE IS.... I wish i had a gif of this but just imagine the gif of Brenda Lowe saying "I don't even have to do anything and people align with me!" LIKE!!! IVE BEEN ADDED TO 2 ALLIANCES WHILE IVE BEEN AT SCHOOL ALL DAY. AND PEOPLE SAID TO WAIT FOR MY OPINION TO DECIDE WHO TO VOTE.. I LOVE HAVING CONTROL. I have.. POWER.. love it. Also Chrissa and Pocket are fighting because Antoine is in Pocket's pocket essentially, but Antoine doesn't really talk to anyone else, so Pocket wants Charlotte out, while Chrissa wants Antoine out. IDK Also now I'm in 3 alliances!!! Alliance #1 - Good Eggs - Andrew/Carson/Chrissa/Jay/Owen/Pocket Alliance #2 - hey youtube stu here - Andrew/Bryan/Carson/Jay/Owen/Willow Alliance #3 - The Watchdog League - Andrew/Antoine/Carson/Pocket/Willow this is fucking.. insane why are these people like this i feel like the only sane one. also, jay threw Pocket under the bus in Alliance #2 Pocket threw Jay under the bus in Alliance #3 so Willow/Charlotte/Chrissa/Jay/Antoine/Pocket are the names circulating andj ust... i dont even know. this tribes a mess

These people are the most wishy-washy people ever. First nobody want to say a  name and then, when I decide to throw a name out, nobody want to really commit to it. OMG, I don't know what to do with these guys. Like i'm suppose to be in an alliance of 5, who care who is voted out outside of it! To be honest, I wouldn't be surprise if my name come up tonight or if i'm going home. It's either me or Jay to be honest or I'll be surprised.

Nothing going on

Oh boy, immunity aint that swell. reward was lame, i injured myself but didnt even die like come on ryan. anyways ya, its chill #LongLiveJordanPines

So apparently Pocket is throwing out my name. It’s too early to try to take him down but I won’t forget it.

I hope the vote goes smooth i just want us to be on the same page and so i just hope however the vote goes we still are on the same page 

Ok so. Jay made an alliance of me, him, Carson, willow, owen, Charlotte, and drew. So I’m cool with that for now. Also. I thought willow was gonna be the target before hand. But it turns out pocket was targeting Charlotte and Chrissa was targeting Antoine and they had a little kerfuffle about it. I don’t like that pocket was targeting Charlotte. So I suggest to this alliance we vote him out. But like. This vote is probably gonna be all over the place tbh. Smh. 

Im more than happy to not have tribal but my forest searches are going horribly! Ive gotten closer to Raffy and even proposed a final 2 with him. ALSO Stephen found half of the supeidol and decided to tell me about it I'm estatic! I smell a swap coming though so.... Honestly thats good for my game because that means that I won't be voted out from my original tribe who I think have an alliance already made :/ (without me in it of course). I still want to work with Johnny and Raffy and Stephen and maybe even L.A but for now jm leaving all of my options open!

So I found something in the reward, half a super idol!!!! eek. but now i have to keep looking for the other half, although chances are someones found it. But it’d be a bad idea to broadcast in the hopes that someone will come forward with the other half. I have told Tim, my ally, so that if he hears anything he will tell me. I hope that isn’t a mistake, but I trust him. Idk if I’ll tell Johnny, or Jordan, the ither two I’d consider aligning with, I don’t 100% trust them yet.

Its time to find part 2 of the SuperIdol, let the hunt begin.

Ok despite this round being twice as long, even less happened. Kaci was medevaced, which sucks because I really wanted to work with her. At least I know I'll have an ally at outcast island if i get voted out. I've got johnny on my side still, as well as jordan, rob, and probably stephen. I had a convo with tim today, and I also want to work with him. I'm just wary of how many people i give my loyalty to because I'm sure andrew is also going to have his own allies. But honestly? why am i even thinking about this game. Why do i have to constantly remind myself that I also have an opportunity to win. Anyways! I think i'm in a good spot on this tribe. I wouldnt mind a swap tho, lets shake it up!

this game makes me wanna eat my own ass bc pocket and chrissa fought and the vote switched from pocket to chrissa to charlotte to antoine back to chrissa back to antoine maybe idk I'm literally gay and i wanna die and I'm like in 18 alliance chats and I'm on call with jay carson and willow trying to figure this out someone pls fuckin help

i somehow flipped this vote to Antoine?? like i said earlier i wanted antoine out and this is somehow working... i love big movez!!!!! im shaking. this is for you pocket!! also apparently charlotte likes antoine more than chrissa.. we're working this. i really do feel like brenda lowe rn with everyone coming to me and me just telling people things! like i dont think imma get the blame for this vote from ANYONE because andrew/jay/willow were doing the heavywork while i suggested it. whew. hope antoine goes because he sorta petered out after night 1.

heres a short synopsis of the vote and what happened: 1. i got added to 3 alliances and every single one wanted different things, with pocket, jay, antoine, charlotte, and chrissa being targeted. 2. i went on call with bryan/jay and they tried getting me to vote pocket, i like pocket, so i was like EHHHH maybe iDK! i like majority :3 could we do antoine? 3. talked to andrew during that call who wanted chrissa out hard, said "CAN WE CUT ANTOINE PLEASE.." 4. went on call with andrew/jay, said we could do antoine, not too bad to flip it. they agreed, added willow, told everyone while i ate food. 5. :) woo lets see if this works

ugh its gonna be ant tonight which is kinda sad bc hes really nice f;alksdjf this is too messy honestly 

I would vote out Pocket rn because he's asking to if it weren't for the fact that we all just went to the trouble to save him, and now he's gonna be a piss baby that things aren't going his way. Sorry I don't respect that and now I don't respect him as a player so he can go back to Party City (Zwooper) where he belongs.

This round has been a massive mess. So to start, I wanted to vote out Antoine, but Chrissa and Pocket had a fight about whether it's Antoine or Charlotte. I talked to Andrew and we decided to cut ties with Chrissa and Pocket and start a new alliance with Bryan and Willow replacing them. Well what do you know! A new conflict broke out on whether to vote Chrissa or Pocket! It really looked like Chrissa was leaving until Owen messaged me saying that he's voting Pocket no matter what. So naturally I call my closest ally, Carson, and we get to talking and we decide we want Chrissa to stay. But we didn't want to alienate Andrew, so after the vote was set on Pocket, we talked to Andrew about the vote since he didn't want Pocket out. We ended up deciding on voting Antoine because if he leaves, and Pocket continues to trust Andrew, we have a solid five (Me, Andrew, Carson, Willow, and Pocket) and I trust Bryan to vote with us too. 

And as we speak, Pocket is having a meltdown and asking to leave and I'm sorry I didn't go through so much effort to get this vote the way it's supposed to be JUST TO CHANGE IT AGAIN! Sorry buddy, I need numbers, and you're one of those numbers. :)

[swiftfootedachilles]

tell us about your hate for h*lsey im petty and i strongly dislike her too l0l

finally someone who truly gets me.....im gonna put it under a cut as not 2 bother my treasured mutuals who enjoy halsey, but also bc this is long as hell, and also pretty personal?

OK theres a lot of reasons why i hate halsey. mostly bcuz her music is boring as shit & her fame seems to rely solely on her pandering to edgy teens with pale/aesthetic blogs. but THIS SHIT!!!!! THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE:

THIS IS BLOWING. MY. DAMN. MIND!!!!

my first reaction to seeing that tweet was “....is halsey seriously lying to her fans about the effects of tmd to cover up her bad singing?”

keep in mind that this is someone whose claim of previously being homeless is....shaky at best. i have very mixed opinions on that whole situation, but i digress. i just dont trust halsey all that much, is the main point here

now, im not the expert at tmd, but i have an almost-identical disorder. myofascial pain syndrome, or something very similar to it. and lo and be-fucking-hold, im a singer and musician.

halsey saying THIS SHIT about her disorder (which she magically has seemed to pull out of her ass while trying to defend her terrible singing habits, but i do NOT like to decide for others if they have a disorder. i am NOT them) is disgraceful to disabled musicians everywhere. first off, if she seriously struggled with a disorder that methodically made her jaw fucking pop out every time she fucking sang, SHE WOULDNT BE A SINGER???? and dont even try to hit me with that “well if it was her TRUE passion she can overcome ANYTHING” shit. thats the same train of thought that people use when saying ~true love~ can “fix” mental illnesses. dont even try that shit with me. that is NOT how health works.

secondly, my jaw/face problems have caused so many music-related problems so far in my life, and i absolutely fear for my future. i want to be a musician so badly. its the only reason why im alive. yet im planning - literally changing my future - because i expect for my disorder to get continuously worse as a age, ESPECIALLY since i sing and play multiple wind/brass instruments (brass instruments are the worst for stuff like this.) 

for all i know, i might not even be able to do what i love the most in, what? 10? 20? hell, even FIVE years? just in the last year, my jaw problems have increased alarmingly, and i have no idea what could be around the bend. to see her covering up her unhealthy singing (which i WILL get to) with a serious disorder - which is hauntingly similar to a disorder that has left myself (and my father, who does have tmd) in so much pain all i can do is sob because no amount of pain meds prescribed by my dentist will make this pain go the fuck away - is just sickening to me. i just dont understand it.

now, onto her terrible (and i mean ATROCIOUS) singing. now, what our friend ashley here is referring to is her usage of fake vibrato. now, having little or no vibrato (italian for “vibrate”; its a singing technique) is NOT a bad thing. the unhealthy-ness comes in when you talk about fake vibrato. YOU CAN PERMANENTLY DAMAGE YOUR CHORDS FROM THIS!!!! how the fuck she thinks its excusable to hurt her damn self like this is beyond me. when youre a singer, the health of your body, especially your voice & vocal chords, should be your TOP PRIORITY! i am SO sick and tired of people (by people i mean famous singers) saying “omg music is my life i hope i do this for the rest of my life!!!” and then PURPOSEFULLY DAMAGING THEIR VOCALS CHORDS!!! i know 12 years olds with healthier singing habits than this!!! if anything, she most-likely developed tmd or worsened it from her singing “style.” also btw, heres a vid of her singing, if you wanna know what im referring to. this shit makes my BLOOD BOIL. 

...its also very interesting that it only happens on certain notes...specifically the same parts of the same phrases.....and she obviously has control over when she does it....but w/e tmd i guess...

anyway... tldr: tmd isnt an excuse to be a bad singer, the only excuse for being a bad singer is being a bad singer. i am appalled that halsey, a rich & famous musician, is using such a serious disorder as an excuse for her lack of care for her body and her music career. also, her, music still sucks. CASE CLOSED.

[profoundgardenertree-blog]

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I wanted to drop my sister off my insurance plan because she found a cheaper insurance company, does it cost to remove her ?""

Estimate for Auto Insurance on a 18 year old Living in GA driving a Mitsubishi Lancer GTS 20k?

In Janurary of 08 i am going to get a New Mitsubishi Lancer GTS. I already know how much my monthlly payments are going to be the car is 20 grand. I Live in GA and was wanting to know around how much would insurance be if im 18 years old driving a new car. It would have to be full coverage and right now my family has Allstate. Can anyone give me a reasonable Estimate? Thank You.

What is the cheapest possible auto insurance?

I don't care about customer service or anything. I just want liability only cheapest insurance. Thanks

How much would car insurance cost me as a teenager?

Now i heard that the insurance is riduclous for teenagers these days. Im planning to buy a mazda sportscar worth around $25000. around how much should I be ready to pay for my car insurance a year... btw the insurance must be SUPERIOR insurance meanin the best insurance .

Does my insurance go up after I get a ticket in someone else car? Or the owner of the car insurance goes up?

I got pulled over for speeding and the officer never asked for the insurance card. Since he didn't ask for the insurance card, does that mean my pay rate will be the same? Or can the insurance company find out by the tag number? Please inform me because this is my first time. Thanks! Also remember I was in someone else car.""

international business insurance quote

international business insurance quote

International health insurance question. ????

I'm planning on moving to Finland this March-October and have been looking online for health insurance while I am away from the US. Can anyone recommend some companies which offer good coverage, but is also affordable?""

Auto insurance question (Mitsubishi Lancer?

I can call Allstate and find this out. However, I don't feel like staying on the line forever. Is the Mitsubishi Lancer consider a sports car according to auto insurance poilcy or is it just your average everyday sedan?""

What will i have to pay for car insurance?

Im a new driver 16 years old and I am male. I live in pennsylvania in a small city of around 6,500 people and I would like to know how much i would probably estimated be paying a month for my car insurance. I Drive a 1998 Dodge Neon Highline. I dont know if anyone can help me but if you have some place were i can go and get a estimate on what i will probably be paying for car insurance it would be greatly appreciated.""

Isn't $300/mo TOO much for car insurance?

So my BF is planning on purchasing his first car, a 2012 Honda Civic EX Coupe, and he's trying to get a plan with USAA, but the quote says he'll be paying 300 monthly for insurance which is basically another car payment. What's the deal?""

For Massachusettes drivers-did anyone else's insurance skyrocket when the new rates came out last month?

with the new credit system my rate went up over $700 and I am not happy!!

What car insurance coverage do you really need?

I have an 2002 honda civic that is worth about $7,000 with 112,000 miles on it. I have collision, death and dismemberment, uninsured motorist. I have a 1,000 deductable, but I am paying $110.00/ mo and want to reduce my payment. Is it a bad idea to drop uninsured motorist or death and dismemberment? Can someone explain what all the car insurance options are? I don't have dependents, but a already have free life, health insurance, and disablility insurance through my employer if that makes a difference. I would call my agent, but I think he must be have busy or smoking a joint out back for the last couple of weeks because he doesn't call me back.""

What is the average cost of car insurance people pay annually?

Is 480 dollars annual payment for car insurance a good deal for one vehicle, single driver?""

Can employers in California ask for medical record for insurance risk assessment?

Can employers in California ask for medical record for insurance risk assessment?

How long does it take for an auto insurance claim to clear you record?

I currently have USAA and back in Nov 2005 I hit a piece of tire on I-25. The tire ripped out my wheel well cover and took the electrical system with it. I made a claim that came out to 1K including my deductible. When trying to change insurance this claim came up and uppped my 6 month policy by 300 dollars. It is not on my DMV driving record, can I still get the cheaper insurance thru progressive.com? Thanks a bunch.""

Car insurance cheaper at 17 or mid 20's?

im 17 in January and getting my driving lessons for my birthday - when and if I pass I'm not getting a car till I'm in my 20's. will the insurance be cheaper when I'm mid 20's than it would be at 17?

What is the average homeowners insurance cost in CT for older homes?

Just got quoted an annual premium of $2300(!!) for homeowners insurance in a rural CT town (ISO rated 9/10) for a 300ish year old home in the 250-300k range. That seems exorbitantly high. What are others paying in CT for similar old homes in these quaint new england towns?

Why do Liberals want to be force to pay Health care Insurance?

why can't some people work harder and pay for their own health care insurance? There are some people who are driving without car insurance.... So I don't think there is such thing as affordable health insurance

""Were and how I can get car insurance in Europe for my american car, and how much is that( annually)?""

I would like to drive my car all over the Europe, but were I can obtail insurance ( green card ) for EU""

Is car insurance for a second driver over 25 years of age free in Canada?

My girlfriend will be getting a car soon, and will be buying an insurance policy. I am 25 years old and have been driving for around 8 years. Do I need to purchase a second insurance policy to be able to drive that same car?""

What is the cost of car insurance in ontario canada?

i live in thorhill. i just got my licence (G2). im 19 and a student. anyone can give me an approximation of the fee per month?

""On average what would cost more, Universal Health care or Insurance premiums?

per person which would cost more?

Car insurance commercial ideas?

i have to make a script for a commercial about car insurance and i need some ideas of what to do.

How much does it cost for a check up without insurance in california?

need a check up to be cleared for athletics. dont have insurance though!

How much will car insurance go up for getting 2 points?

How much will car insurance go up for getting 2 points?

Does anyone know what a UWD guidline for home owners insurance means ?

Does anyone know what a UWD guidline for home owners insurance means ?

What companies offer dental insurance in california?

What companies offer dental insurance in california?

""New driver, teen car insurance?""

does anyone know about how much the average teen's car insurance is? im 17 and looking for a car, i have $1750 in my bank account... about how much would car insurance cost me? and how much do i have to pay upfront? i know its sometimes cheaper if you have good grades, and i have straight a's. can anyone help me? thanks!""

Insurance for teenagers?

So i'm gonna get my car/license in a month and i was wondering how much insurance was on average for teens?? Also, how much would it be if i got a sports car? Like a mustang""

Can a 16yr old register a car in his name in TEXAS and can he still be on parent's insurance?

Does anyone know for sure if it is legal in TEXAS for a minor to purchase a vehicle in his name? The car lot said it was okay but my insurance company says that it must be in my name for him to be on my policy. Is that true?

Need help with auto insurance?

For those of you that have a sports car, how much do you pay for insurance?""

international business insurance quote

international business insurance quote

Car insurance for 16 yr old boy driving subaru impreza WRX?

I want to get a white 5 speed subaru impreza WRX (wagon sport) with turbo (standard). How much do you think this would cost considering that i'm 16 yrs old and the car is white and i get good grades? thanks

ChEAPEST CAR INSURER FOR?

I want to get either a reno clio 2001 or an old mini. i know the mini is likely to be cheapest. I'm a 17year old male. Which company would give me the cheapest car insurance? DON'T TELL ME TO GO TO GOCOMPARE.COM TRIED THIS ALREADY, AND ON VARIOUS OTHER COMPARISON SITES. Thanks""

Is it cheaper to have two people sharing one car and insurance?

Basically, both going to be learning together then buying one car for us both. We'll both be new drivers and we will use the car whenever we both need, kind of new to this so any information will be helpful :)""

Why should someone who is say 40 get cheaper car insurance than a 17 year old?

If for instance they passed on the same day, why should a 17 year be categorised as less responsible than a 40 year old in terms of driving ability? Particularly when chances are due to the insurance gaps and most probably the earnings of these two hypothetical people the 40 year old would be able to afford a more powerful car...""

Insurance policy??????

My car insurance is under my dad's name hes the policy holder im 22 years old from new york I was involved in a car accident 2 months ago i was at no fault since i was rear ended today geico called and said they are raising my dad's preimum by 200 dollars since now they will add me to the policy why are they doing this ....is it because of the accident they said the only way it won't be raise if he takes me off his policy and the car and has to provide proof that im insured by another company im going away for college so i wont need my car which belongs to my dad is there anyway to do somethin to not raise his premium and is it wise to go to another insurance company please help and advice

""1.6L car for 17 year old, what company insures this size engine for new young drivers?""

UK i cant seem to get insurance for a 1.6L car, ive tried 2 companies and they say get something 1.4L or less. ive already got this 316i so i dont want to sell it for another, what insurance company should i try? DONT say 'go to gocompare.com' or 'confused.com' or 'comparethemarket.com', ive tried all that.""

Any estimations on how much my car insurance will be? Uk.?

Im 17 in november, in gonna start to drive but i was wondering if anyone iceby ideas on how much my car insurance would be based on what i tell you. I live in the uk. I cant go on my parents insurance because they dont drive. In gonna get a 1.4 or 1.6 engine car. An thats all i can tell you, can anyone please have a rough estimation on prices?""

Why do we NEED car insurance?!?

Why is it the LAW that we have car insurance?? I honestly think it's stupid. Shouldn't we, as free Americans, be able to make the choice of whether or not we want insurance, and still legally drive a vehicle, as long as we have a license, at our own risk? Kind of like if you go skiing or snowboarding, you go at your own risk, you're not forced to get skiing insurance , or boarding insurance , or anything like that. I mean, think of this situation: I have no insurance, and I wreck into somebody. They have insurance, so they are covered. I don't, so I will either have to get rid of my car, or pay for repairs myself; that's the risk I took and this is how I'm paying for it, by being car less or spending tons of money on repairs. But why must we be forced by law to have it, or NO DRIVING FOR YOU says big ole' government?? This is angering me because I'm currently in college, without a car, and while I can walk to my work and school, it's still about 30-45 minutes each way to walk, and if I could get an old car for cheap, it would make my life MUCH easier and less of a hassle.""

Teen Car Insurance after one accident?

How much would my insurance premium rise for a 17 year old boy if I get into an accident (at-fault)? A good average (+X%) answer would be good.

""Got in a car wreck w/ no insurance, and was at fault.?""

I don't work, and don't plan on working. I don't own a house or car that's in my name, and don't plan to. Everything will always be in my boyfriends name. How will the insurance company ever get money from me. Even if they sue me.""

Starting an insurance company in illinois?

So how would you do this and about how much would it cost? People were saying that it costs millions and millions of dollars. But if it costs that much then how would anybody ever be able to start one? Is it a good idea to start an insurance company or do you think that it probably would not be a success? Also, what is the difference between an insurance comany and an agency. do make a lot of money if you start an insurance agency?""

Insurance cost for Corvette?

Hey I'm 16 and have quite a bit of money saved for a car so im gonna get a decent one nd i was thinking a corvette. I was wondering about (I know no one knows exactly) how much the insurance is going to be on like a 00 or 01 model. Also if you know insurance cost of a 350z too that would be great. Thanks for the help

""What is the average cost of business insurance in Portland, Oregon?""

What is the average cost of business insurance in Portland, Oregon?""

How much do you pay for Insurance in your state?

I live in New Jersey and the Insurance for an auto is so high here. I pay $168 a month for a 2003 ford explorer that is loaded. I have no tickets, my record is clean. I also have lived in Utah and my Insurance was only $50 a month. Just wondering what everyone pays in different states?""

Cheapest car insurance for new drivers?

Co-op seem to be the cheapest i can find at the moment, i am going on my dads name because we are both going to drive it and he has like 11 year no claims, so far co-op seem the best (coop seem to go by the age of the car) the older the cheaper, im looking to insure either a fiesta a clio or a corsa, something like that, could you from experience or just knowledge tell me which insurance is the cheapest, by the way im 17""

Range Rover Sport Car Insurcnce... Is 6k too much?

My mum and dad's combined cost of car insurance on their Range rover sport HSE TDV6 (2.7litre) is around 1200. My dad rang up his insurance broker to get a quote on putting me as a named driver, and we got a quote of a total of about 6,000 per year. I know this is a lot of money, however the insurance company says this is because the car is in bracket 19. I was led to believe by my Land Rover dealer that the TDV6 model was in group 14/15, where it was the Supercharged 4.4litre model which was in group 18/19. Is this quote too much for the model car specified? Given i am 20 years old, having held my lisence for around 3 years with no motoring convictions against my name, and having also been a named driver for the best part of 3 years on a Ford Focus. Is it about right? Or is it slightly higher than one would expect for the car. Many Thanks""

How much is the insurance premium on a motorcycle 125cc?

Male, 18, Passenger car probationary licence suspended once on 2 accounts of speeding Preferably in Quebec, Canada""

Can someone help me with an insurance question?

new driver no insurance live in ca, 20yrs old, i am considering of buying kia rio my monthly car payment will be around $169. can u give me an estimate of how much my insurance will be.""

""I been in a car accident with no car insurance, so I want to know how much should I pay the person who's suing?""

I was in a car accident with no insurance and they claim I owed over $6,000. I end up talking it down to $3,000 even. I wanted to know did I over paid or was that a fair amount. The person had whiplash and received treatment and the car was damage at the rear end.""

How much will insurance cost me on a motorcycle around 4-5 k? (Motorcycle year 2005+)?

I am 17 years old, I live in Montreal Quebec, just got my car license and i have no criminal record or anything. I accomplished the car driving course and the motorcycle course. how much will I pay on insurance? I know its hard to answer but like the average/year? and do I have to take both side insurance or only one side? and will it be cheaper if I only take the insurance for summer time and not pay the whole year. and does any one have a good insurance company for me in Montreal. thank you.""

""Has anyone ever called AIS (auto insurance), and do they really find the cheapest insurance?""

Has anyone ever called AIS (auto insurance), and do they really find the cheapest insurance?""

Good car insurance sites?

Would like to know if any of you know of any good car insurance sites. I am a student who will be driving a fiat punto/ maybe even a skoda fabia.

How to get a job as a finance & insurance manager?

I am currently a Finance Student, and new car salesman... It seems you never see F&I jobs advertized and when you do they always want people with experience in F&I... How does one get a start in F&I other than being promoted from sales, which wouldn't happen until a vacancy arises?""

When does insurance rates go down?

I been in an accident in 2006 and I was looking for insurance quote for less and I wanted to know if it will lower in 3-5 years. start with a clean slate. Thanks

HELP with car insurance no claims ?

Since passing my test 3 years ago I've had insurance with countless insurers due to the fact I am useless and they kept asking for information for example proof of no claims and a copy of my license. I have had all my insurance policies cancelled countless times as I can't get proof of no claims as I guess I don't have any because all policies have been cancelled. The problem is now I'm getting quotes for over a thousand pounds when technically I've never made a claim in my life! Is there a way around this PLEASE HELP!

international business insurance quote

international business insurance quote

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-much-my-car-insurance-premium-change-when-i-turn-25-jonathan-dean/"

[readingontheroof]

(1) Hi so I hope I'm somehow able to word this properly and not be an awful person (I'm sorry my emotions are still running kinda haywire). So yesterday my datemate told me that they are aromantic and they've known for about two months now and they didn't tell me earlier (even tho they hate lying/keeping secrets) bc they still love me (but not romantically of course) and they were worried I was going to cut ties with them completely in order to get over them and not want them in my life

anymore. Which I don't think I would have done, but given my past experience and personality, I think it was a reasonable thing to think. So after they told me that, I cried a lot and we talked about it some more, but it wasn't really a proper discussion since I was crying so hard. (I don't know if this helps but I'm an infj and my datemate (?) is an intj. I'm also asexual and they're pansexual. Sorry to dump this on you, I just think you're insightful and give good advice). We've been dating for 10 months now so it's a little bit hard finding this out after we've already been together for a while. While I understand why they waited 2 months to tell me (didn't want to hurt me, we were already dating, didn't want to permanently lose me) I'm still mad and wish they had told me earlier. I'm very future-oriented and I plan things out so far in advance, I was already imagining a future with them and was so happy and excited about it. I can change this image of coursebut it feels so sudden and it's like everything's been turned upside down. Last night I was overwhelmingly sad, and today I'm still sad but also angry. Maybe it wouldn't have but that's 2 months I could've spent stopping myself from getting attached to this future image. We talked about it together multiple times: what we each want, where we want to live, what kind of cats and dogs we want to own together. I know we can still live together, & I'd really really love that, it's just that someof the certainty of the future has been ripped away and it was really comforting and wonderful to think about. I really love them a lot and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather own cats with. Last night they said they'd still like to be in a romantic relationship with me and date me and continue doing everything else we've already been doing, but they don't want to be involved with any of those romantic rituals like getting married, etc. All I want right now is to continue our currentrelationship, especially since they want to and they really want to be in my future. It's just that I'm so attached to the idea of romantic love and marriage (it's so stupid though) and I don't know how to get away from that & I KNOW that no matter how much I'd like to continue this current relationship, I'm going to eventually want to get married and I don't want to regret anything. The ideal future would be for me to live with both them and someone else I'm married to in the same housebut all I can think about is how there's no way that'll ever work bc then that's three people's lives, jobs, wants and needs we'd have to coordinate in order to live in the same place and area. The probability of it working out is so unlikely & I don't know if I'd be even be able to find someone else to date who'd be willing to do that. I'm thinking the best option is for me to break off my current relationship with my datemate and do something more akin to a qpr, I just hate how vague anduncertain the future seems now. In the midst of this, I'm still mourning our past relationship (it was also my first romantic relationship). I really hope I didn't say anything to hurt their feelings last night but I tried to make as clear as possible that it's okay for them to be aromantic, I'm just upset about the changes to my vision of the future. Like if only I could get rid of this attachment to the idea of marriage and romantic love, and all that sappy stuff, then we could still continue our current relationship into the future the way it's been. I've just been so happy since (and before) we started dating at college and it's kinda of just a shocker, like I was too optimistic. I did get some warning from my instincts which I probably should've listened to (I hesitated before asking them out bc I thought they might've been aro but they said yes & later when they talked about possibly being polyarmorous I freaked out bc I went on a forum & lots of ppl had similarviews on platonic and romantic love and in poly and aro communities and I was worried that they were aro and I brought it up to them and at the time, they thought they were poly so they reassured me BUT two weeks after the convo realized they were aro. Fucking weirdass ni. Should've listened to it. In addition to this, I have become very attached to cuddling and physical intimacy and I don't want that to stop...but at the same time I'm worried I'm never going to stop liking them if I don'tstop the physical intimacy. Last night they said they'd be fine with whatever I wanted to do (become friends, continue the romantic relationship, or continue the romantic relationship and affection until I find someone else I want to date). Honestly the third option sounds the most appealing but I'm just worried I'm gonna be trapped in a limbo and that my new ideal future option is too unlikely to happen & by continuing the physical and emotional intimacy I'm keeping myself from formingother bonds with other people. I don't want to cut them out of my life, bc even if we ended the romantic relationship, we have become so close with each other, and I enjoy spending time with them more than anyone else at college right now. I know that they really value their relationship with me as well, since they said that they trust me more than anyone else and they have a lot of difficulty opening up to people. I'm not quite sure what kind of advice I'm asking for, maybe I just neededto write all of this out. I'm sorry this was so long, I just have so many emotions. I guess I'm wondering what your opinion is, & if you have any advice on dealing with overcoming the loss of a former vision of the future & replacing it with another one (the biggest question I guess). Also maybe any advice on whether or not you think it's something that would work & if I'm still being too optimistic. Do you have any tips on how to go about forming a qpr? Thank you so much! Feel free toanswer whenever you happen to have any time!! Also if any of these messages get lost or eaten by tumblr, let me know & I can resend them (I've saved them). I'm sorry this was so long! Thank you 

Honestly I'm starting to feel a little bit better after writing all of that out and thinking about other possible future options (happy ones of course) and it's really nice. Thank you for your blog & all you do for the mbti community. Mbti always makes me feel better when I'm feeling bad and reading your thoughts and insights on it is always fun. I guess it's sorta distraction but it's still nice and isn't really hurting me so thanks 

Okay so first i wanna establish i’m likely aro myself so i dont really have a great understanding of the differences between romantic and platonic feelings.

So, one thing I’m confused about is how the relationship would go if you proceeded like the INTJ suggested, (the same, but w no “rituals”). What exactly about the relationship right now would be romantic to you that wouldn’t continue, besides stuff like marriage? Bc I think the biggest disconnect wouldn’t be in not doing x y z, but in a difference in how you view the relationship. If they view the relationship somehow differently bc they are aro, what are those differences? Bc obviously it isn’t a sexual relationship but you were doing things that would be “romantic” rather than “friendly.” I think it would be helpful to try to figure out what has changed, really at all. Bc if you are viewing the relationship very differently from each other, I can see how that could cause pain.

It definitely seems like you want something more from the relationship than they do, and I do think that if you continued the relationship with you sort of pretending it’s a romantic relationship and them sort of pretending it’s a friendship, with you knowing it will never fulfill those expectations you had, it will feel like something is missing and bitterness/pain/disconnection might come from that. I think if you decided to continue the physical intimacy but say you’re friends, that’s what you’re going to end up doing. I think you shouldn’t cut them off or avoid them, it just wouldn’t be logical. I think you should keep your friendship, but try not to do anything you would see as romantic. Maybe a little space right now would be really good, for you especially, to get your head around it without any pressure or guilt. However, I do think that given time (esp given your types), you could change the nature of the relationship and move on in a way, especially bc it is your first relationship. I think you could be best friends, and you could end up with a different romantic partner that you have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with.

I do think you should trust your instincts, if they’re telling you anything at this point. It seems like doing so would put you in a place that feels natural.

I don’t have any tips on how to form a qpr bc i’ve never had one and don’t really have a want for one, but I do advise you to be careful, bc boy have a I seen people try to have a qpr with someone they clearly have a crush on and it isn’t fun for either of the people involved.

No prob man, I rlly hope it works out for you. I do think the venting helped you organize everything! I’m glad you like my blog, thanks :)!

[allshe-needed-waslove]

My names kitty, I'm 16 years old. I am an addict. And yes I'm aware that I'm stuck deep in addiction, the first part of recovery is knowing you're an addict. The first step is about where I'm at. It's all started over the lose of my first love. He was handsome, sweet, and caring and everything I've always wanted. At 15 me and him decided to move in together, let me tell you. (First mistake). This man of mine I thought was so in love with me. He tried to have kids with me, dropped 5 bills on housing stuff for us to get our own place. Gave me a promise ring, *on one knee* I was in love and vulnerable. What can I say. I believed every single lie that came out of his petty mouth. (Second mistake). Turned out I was being used for my body. Forgot to mention this man was 21 and I, 15. I'm going to keep this short but just no I could go on forever about this Man. I thought we were so in love and I had found my king... so there comes his idea about king and queen matching hand tattoos. (BIGGEST mistake). Clearly wr aren't together anymore. Well when I moved into his basement with him wr started drinking. blah, blah, long story short he became very emotional, depressed, and filled with physical aggression. I no longer new who he was. I was 7 months clean off blow the whole time me and him were together. As someone that's very deep in addiction I am always addicted to something that makes me feel good. And.. he did. Little did I no it was a disguise. This man, I never saw as a creep for dating me at only 15. I never saw the problem cause "we were so in love" . I'm just glad we didn't end up with kids, although we tried for the whole 7 months. He promised to marry me. I belived him. Hes the first man i was 100% faithful too but thats mostly because i was in love and grew up. Im writing so much about my ex man because he was the root of the start to my addiction. I would have litteraly killed for this man. Well him being an ex addict himself, he had lots of stories, drugs, crime, Exc. I liked them "Older bad boys" and I wanted to be everything he wanted. Shortly I became everything he didn't want even near him. I didn't think he was a creep for dating a 14/15 year old until I saw a side of him I'm scared from. I found out he was talking to 13 year Olds trying to hookup and "get to no them" more and more often, this was when we were on a break I belive. I later turned 16 and he completely lost interest in me. Fully. At one point I was begging for him to stay with me all the way to his house to see a bunch a little kids from 13-17 chilling in his house and in the backyard. At this point I didn't fully notice he's not all right in the head. At 16 I guess I aged out for him. He no longer told me he loved me. No longer kissed my forehead and scratched my back before bed, he no longer rubbed and kissed my belling praying to creator that theres life inside me.Slept with his back facing me. Drank, hungojt with other people all the time. Hid his phone, changed his passwords. Only intimancy and feeling of love was when we would have sex. I was just so comfortable with him, more then my own family. He was the first guy to make me orgasm, and that was a sense of comfort for me (Besides my new love now that I'll mention later on). That's all he ever wanted to do, it was all about sex and booze at the end there. But sadly enough for me it was alchol and speed. He would force me to send him nude pictures and bugged and bugged to the point where he broke up with ne because I wouldn't send a twerk video and because I didn't send nudes when he wanted them.. I still went out of my way to try to make him happy, to keep the spark going. I'd bring him back a chocolate milkshake extra large every single day I got off work.. I wouldn't get a smile, a thankyou or anything. Most I'd get is a "put it right here". I dont really want to get to much into the topic but during sexual intercourse he would hit me, and chocked me till I went blue, you will all think "yea he's just into kinky stuff". But listen, every trust I couldn't breath.. he got satisfaction out of it. And then he took what he would do in bed to doing on a regular basis. Including the slapping and choking.. and I can't say I liked it because he had evil in his eyes, he meant to hurt me . Not please me. I was young and confused when I tried to leave he'd grab the biggest kitchen knife and start to slit his arms or neck. I was manipulated to shit. He left me a day after my birthday, I can't know forsure but I know it was sometime in June. I didn't know why, and I still don't know why I love the man. He's abusive emotionally and physically, and all around. I put up with being called ugly and fat everyday. He told me he bought me makeup because I am ugly underneath. He ruined my confidence. Not a good guy. I say he was the root of the start to my addiction because he really was. Stupid enough as it sounds I wanted to walk in his shoes.. see what he's saw, for me to understand why he is the way he is. We were very off and on around this point. First breakup I went out to grab beer, to short form this I ended up running into a girl I knew that I used to have mad beef with,.. and we ran into some guy I used to know that ended up being a drug dealer... she was addicted to meth, she has a beautiful daughter that I call my niece, we ended up at rock bottom together. We both lost everything. Both our family's gave up on us for months. MY ADDICTION AND WHEN AND HOW IT STARTED: I have been doing dope since I was 13, Xtc was my drug of choice, then it was molly,lean,cocaaine, any pills I could get my hands on, alchol. Basically anything that got me fucked up. Why did i start? I cant answer that, ever since i was young ive fantasized about escaping reality and just always feelings good, I was clearly depressed but instead of perscribed meds i chose to self madicate using street drugs, witch left me with psychosis, bad depression, anxiety, panic attacks and i was recently diagnosed bipolar. I didn't get on hard shit till I turned 16. When me and this man were on what i called a break, and i was out getring beer like i mention i ran into this girl then we hung out and ran into this guy. At this point i didnt no she did meth, until she took a rail infront of me. I was mind blown i thought meth made you completly differnt. This older man we ran into, ended up hanging out with us for the night, blah blah blah he sold a belt for dope, we took a taxi from the whore house , ditched it outside an apartment (that reeked like throw up) went inside and he had us work for him, well he was waiting on his buddy (dope dealer) to come by so he could sample his new re-up. He had me and this girl post adds on Craigslist as escorts. (Only in intentions to rob the guy) but we still had to use pictures of ourselves. I was having a cooler. And drinking a 1L 9f vex well everyone was waiting on their dope, I never once thought I'd be doing meth and especially the amount I consumed that day. Buddy guy gets bad starts until packing his pack pulls out stolen checks,IDs, bankcards, alchol, batteries, dope scale. Just a bunch a random things. At this point I had a buzz just a buzz I was totally aware of my surroundings and in control of what I was doing though. Buddy guy pulls out his meth pipe and starts to scrape the rez using a Bobby pin. He got a bunch of bumps set up one for each of us... including me. He wasn't aware if never used meth, but he also wasnt trying to convince me not too. Actually he was convincing me to just take it "its just a small bump" he said. I saw this girl and him both take their hot rails ive heard about them before from my ex.. hotrails are how he got into dope too. And dam did i ever think it was cool as fuxk to see smoke come out well snorting and no feeling the burn od it in my nose. I told myself just once, yes ive seen the comercials but did that stop me? No. Because i didnt no i had addixtion issues at that point. I was 7 months clean, but of course it was all my doing usuing that night. As soon as i took that hot rail. I was fucked, i knew id be hooked. I ended up buying 8 points nit knowing how much the prices are i gave him 40$ a movie giftcard and my bran bew expensive box mod. I was desperate to not come down. If i could go back to that day i first used, i would have went home when my mother called me to come home. Me and my man ended up getting back togther, he was the first petson i tild about doing meth that night, i met up woth him in the morning and he called my mom. My mom balled her eyes out so confused on what to do. Her daughter is doing meth. How could a parent take that in.. but nono that wasnt it katie ended up causing 2000$ worth of damage in her bedroom. Pretty sure i put every body part u could think of through the wall and breaking everything in reach in my small bedroom. I have even pulled of the blinds from my window and my head through the wall more then once that we now need to replace the wall. I smashed a picture of a cat in a frame and used the shards as weapons on myself and others. I went nuts, and this was all over drugs and a boy. Parents ended up calling the cops and they picked me up under the mental heath act and had me put in general psychiatry for 2 weeks. At this point my "man" ex man let's say, moved on.. well I was getting better and staying clean to get him back he was laying with other bitches. He hated me. I don't no why. I dont no what I did, never did and never have. I never got closure.. and let me tell you that straight fucked me up to this day. He won't and hasn't talked to me until recently I made a new fb cause he blocked me on everything and asked if we could be civil he said ya and we had a short talk. But yet, I still don't no why he left. But this gets better when I got clean in hospital I texted him and let him no I'm clean and the respond I got made me loose all hope. He replied, "I don't care go back to dope". And he not only once but multiple times told me to end my life. And I wanted to o oh so fucking wanted to . Death and dope. I wanted them bad. I went on doing meth more and more, hanging with the street people n drug dealers more and more that getting high became a chore. A need. And at this poiny i didnt no i was an addict i was just "doing it for fun" me n this girl were in and oyt of the local whore house cleaning and organizing junk for dope. We always managed to have dope. The more dope I did the more my tolerance went up. The more I needed more. Snorting it wasn't doing the trick for me anymore I was up for days and decided to start smoking it, but I was home in my room without a pipe so I tested put the old tinfoil and hooter method. It worked . A whole new rush, slightly different. And then from there on out I only smoked it and took hot rails. I ended up getting kicked out of my family home to the streets. All my stuff left in the front of the house because I wasn't coming home for curfew or I was coming home high and I have younger siblings in the house. But she did what was best for her and kicked me out. Still there for me . Just taking away the roof over my head and hot water to shower in out of my life. Because those are privileges. That was it. I wanted to be indepented, she tossed ne the ropes.. i then needed to make money. So i msged buddy guy and asked him for help and tips on how to make money, he then told me to come over. I went over and we discussed work. Was it legal? Maybe 13/100%. At only 16 I was moving product that shouldn't even exist. I first became a secretary and worked his phone, then I became someone who bags the dope (let me tell you it's hard being an addict in front of so much dope) I then ended up doing runs for him, then the higher ups met me and took me for a few days to transfer large quantities of dope.. and thats when i first tried fentanyl. I was transfer with a higher up guy and my clueless ass didnt no wtf he was tossing me on tin foil, i thought it aas speed at first. That hit me pretty good. But not once have i over dossed. At that point i was moved into the "trap" or the "shack" I always had dope, everyone wanted to be my frriend. Of course thought. Drugs make us like that .it's like we're conected by magnets were always were the dope is. I got picked up by a higher up dude one night and I was told to pick up our hard (crack) at this point I was doing crack Fent and meth. I'm lucky to be alive. There was this other kid that hung around he was a intervenes user a year younger then I am, doing the same shit, making sales to keep his high up. When I went out I was brought to this really dirty shack, I was helping this guy work by scaling and bagging and labeling, it was a weird house. I heard muffled screams behind this curtain that separates the room as he was showing me weapons.. like weapons to torture.. anyway this guy I guess was really feeling me I ignored the sound of the muffled screams because on speed and Fent I felt immortal I wasn't scared of anything or anything.. this guy tried to get with me and obviously in the situation I was in I said no. Then he tried making me do ghb with him witch is one drug I'll never touch. I ended up staying way later with this guy then I should have, he had me start working his phone and wouldn't let me leave his place. Finally I convinced him to let me go and he got a driver to bring me back to where I was staying by the time I got there I was already super fucking late with the dope I got an 80 rock of hard 2 points of down 2 points of Fent and 4 points of side for working that night. They loved me cause I was an innocent kid with no record. I got there and I was so fucked up on Fent and meth that I was being loud as fuxk trying to get my body over the balcony railing on the first floor into the apartment. (We went through that way) and when I walked in everyone was posses straight pissed. That they didn't get their dope like 5 hours ago. Lots of shit happend in that house I lived at but the most fucked is when I came back with that dope everyone was pissed at me n in a crappie mood the kid younger then me needed his Fent bad and literally threatened me with a dirty used dirty. I ran to the bathroom Sar on the floor and balled my eyes out. I just worked hard and had to put up with this buddy all over me just to get threatened and told to kill myself. I then left the washroom and gave him his dope he shot up 5 ps of meth then a point of Fent he ended up going into straight psychosis. The people there didn't no what to do he was gouging out the skin on his neck and his knee bleeding everyone. Him being totally capable of anything I was the only one that stepped in dragged him to the couch and help him in my arms well he's balling in complete bad trip mode yelling and saying "please don't "persons name" I'm sorry" thinking he was getting attached by this person he earlier almost got a rock to the dome from. Blah blah blah. Okay, the house owner wakes up that morning me n this guy are past out on the couch me still holding him with his arms restrained and she walks out to a bunch of needles thinking I was shooting up too she then threw a plate at my head through all my shit out her front door kicked the shit out of me. Held a knife to my throat leaving scraps from the blade. Me being a careless bitch saying "Do it, fucking take my life then" with a sharp blade and shaky hand to my jug I then got my dad to pick me up. My mom ended up showing to and she called the police, wasn't worth my time to charge her. I don't rat, for even atempted murder. She got off Scott free. But the cops told me I would have to go to the hospital if I didn't give him a video taped report on her. So off to the hospital I went again.. I don't rlly remember much after that my long term memory is fucking fried. Well skip a month or so, I started selling for myself with my best friend as a partner. We were bomb ass little hustlers. Let me tell you. Did that for awhile they my best friend went off to detox and I started flipping dope with this guy "her man" and making him stacks everyday, oh yah I also got fired from my job before that cause I got into heroin, buddy doesn't hire heroin addicts because they just do the dope. I found myself a new job but before flipping with my best friends man i was a runner for the "higher up" guy. I was selling people meth, crack, heroin, Fent, oxys, pills of all kinds, cocaaine anything u could think of I had it for you. Do I feel good about it? No at all. I could have been the one to sell someone dope to have them od and die. I feel like a straight piece of shit for my selfish actions. Lucky enough no one od-d on my dope. When I was selling for my best friends man i ended up get into poking (needles) and to this day I haven't quit yet. There something in the rush that I love. I've been in and out of hospital for drug use none stop. The doctor put me on extended leave with 7 conditions. Not taking meds and no drug use are the hardest ones I have to face. I'm an addict. But right now I'm a recovering addict. Was 9 days clean . 1 slip last night. long story short I went to off to treatment almost a month ago and I was there for 2 and a half months I met a guy he's from van I'm from abby. Fell in love all over again. This guy gave me hope for the future . But we ended up awoling (running away from treatmemt) And going down town east hastings for 2 days getring fucked up.. me doctoring him. Witch I feel so fucking shitty for. Got kicked out of treatment brought back to abby to stay in a youth shelter witch I didn't stay at got back on the streets again witch I forgot to mention i lived on since July and even stayed in a tent with a guy at one point. I really hit rock bottom but now I'm learning to swim to get back to the surface. I can do this. The guy in treatment I was dating ended up leaving me because people told him I'm cheating on him witch I never in the world would do. I never wanated to loose him. Then day after we break up he's in Abby fucking my so called best friend. Dropped them like bad habits. I ended up relapsing last night I'm admitted in the hospital rn so I'm high with nothing to do so I thought I'd write my story for future me and my kids one day. There's always hope

[survivorpanem]

EPISODE 4 - “THE WILDCATS NEED TO POP IN HERE AND TELL THEM TO GET THEIR HEADS IN THE GAME” - JC

Basically, this “choosing your own tribe” twist is very beneficial to my game. I told a big group of people to go on this tribe, so I have 5/7 (including me) people on my side. That is great, even if we lose a lot of challenges. Since almost everyone is loyal to me, I can pick and choose the people that I want for my alliance. Also, I’m glad jaiden is here, because now we know who is the first to go when its time to vote somebody out. I just hope they don’t connect the dots and realize I have connections to almost everybody here. Anyway, things are looking up in my game currently. Even if we get down to the wire and we keep losing challenges, I am not worried, I can make it through. Plus, when I get to the merge, the other tribe will be fractured, almost guaranteed, and I will be able to maneuver through the game, especially since I have an ally in Isaac over there.

The big problem is that I'm going home. That's pretty much what it's come down to for me now. No one on the tribe I chose wants to work on the competition and no one really wants to talk to me, either. Once again, there's such a depression in the game being left by everyone's silence that it makes me forget that I'm even here sometimes? 

RJ tossed around the idea of throwing the challenge and just voting me out. Surprisingly enough, the person who literally does videography in their actual life is somehow too busy to even bother attempting this challenge for their tribe. It seems so easy for me to just give up and say that not much was lost, and I almost wanna just lay down and let these people vote me out. 

Yet, there is still a fight left in me. It's a smoldering pile of rubble, because the flame that once occupied the same space had gone and burned every bridge I had in the game. The flame was a sign of my own rebellion I guess, because I never go down without a fight. That's not changing today. 

If we still lose this challenge, I won't let myself lose the game, too. I wanna win.

Are these bitches throwing the fucking challenge? Or do they just suck?

Liana is mad at me and I feel so bad D: I didnt mean to hurt her feelings :'( me Allison Andre wand Isaac should have added her to that cat right when it was made and not kept it a secret. Also I'm pretty sure my tribe had a heartattack and that me and ryan palmer are the only ones alive.

I would say that I'm sad that we lost but I can't complain. I literally did not help AT ALL with the comp so i shouldn't say anything. I don't know who I want to vote out. Honestly I don't even remember who is on my tribe rip

I don't know how to articulate myself when I'm under duress, so for this confessional I'll just link some gifs in order to express my emotions better.

First of all, we lost immunity. I tried so fucking hard in the last hour to put that shit together because no one else wanted to do anything (@RJ AND LIANA)

Then, I kind of realized that yea, I'm probably fucked. These are the people who planned on throwing immunity to get me voted out, and although they're all like "oh well we won't vote you out, you did the challenge!" my inner thoughts are telling me otherwise.

In my opinion, the person that should go home tomorrow is RJ. He's a fucking videographer, film-maker, what the fuck ever, and he's like "sorry I can't do this challenge". Bullshit RJ, if you don't have time for this challenge, you don't have time for this game. I want to get the pen and parchment and write his name down right now, for fucks sake. 

However, I know that Liana didn't do anything either. We all know that. She's a nice girl, but she is a huge threat. In her Storybook games, she has quit before. Maybe she'll quit now. Maybe something came up and now she has no time to finish this game, either. I'm going back to my inner thoughts now!

Right now, I have to try and get Zack, JC, and Sam B to trust me fully. I need them to vote to keep me this round. My life literally depends on trust that I haven't given out to other people. I'm going to spend the whole next day just BEGGING people to trust me and work with me because I have no idea what's going to happen next.

I don't wanna get voted out of All Stars because I have a ton of supporters coming into this. At least I think so. I don't want to let anyone down because FOR ONCE I actually have the desire to win a game. I WANNA WIN SOMETHING, OK?????? Winning is all that matters to me and I wanna scream sometimes because I dont think it's realistic that I will win this game, at least not now. I've already embarrassed myself on National Television coming out here, so like... is it enough?

Right now, the vote comes down to trust. *I* trust JC and Sam G more than anyone else on this tribe, but do *they* trust me? And what about Zack, because I know he's got reasons to not trust me after I exposed the alliance with RJ to the entire arena chat. Then, there's Sam B who is so bland when you talk to her that you can't tell where her head is at completely. Is she with me, or is she against me? She says she's with me but your word is not always your bond. Sam G and I are really close, because she told me that RJ is her contract. If we get him out, she gets the clue to the idol. I won't ask her for it because that's her choice, but if she decided to give me the clue then I understand how it is, too. But she knows people that have hosted me and I think she's aware that I play chaotically, but I am 100% loyal to her at all costs in this game. She has so much dirt accessible about me that it does concern me a lot, but... she's becoming my friend now.

And then, after we lose and everything, I'm talking and so is JC and Zack. Then Constance comes walking in all high and mighty, whipping her fake ass hair in mine and Zack's faces and immediately saying "Hi JC" for no fucking reason. She literally is the dumbest person when it comes to social game because you don't just come into a chat, say hello to ONE PERSON out of the multiple that are there. No matter how petty you want to be, that's fucking stupid. But Constance will be Constance, always there metaphorically screaming in my ear with her selfies every single day trying to get the attention of everyone.

These people are like, acting so cool all the time and I can't stand them. Maybe the same is being said about me because I totally walk around here like I'm hot shit FREQUENTLY and try to act like a badass, but I'm really not.

Tomorrow night, I'm hoping things go my way. I really hope I stay tonight. I wish I could be iconic and pull out an idol or two, but luck wasn't in my favor all the times I went searching for the thing. Implicit bias is something I learned about in psychology class and I think luck had nothing to do with my decisions, because obviously I'm going to be biased against the places that seem like they wouldn't have the hidden immunity idol. See, haters? I learn things. Shit might hit the fan if I pull off a move against RJ or Liana. Who knows where Zack's loyalty really lies? I'm considering lots of scenarios, but unfortunately, this isn't one of them.

If I end up getting voted out tomorrow night, then I guess this could be the last confessional I write? If you're reading this with the knowledge that I'm being blindsided, then this last gif is for you <3

I'm finally not going to a tribal in this game! It's really relieving considering I wouldn't have really wanted to vote anyone out on the tribe. Ryan may have ended up being targeted (even if he was the only one to put effort into the challenge) and that would have been a conflict of interest. So the tribe may have had to settle for Constance or Jake. I would have preferred Constance going but she's being seen as a potential number for the Isaac/Liana side, and I want Jake in my pocket. It seems like a lot of people have "players in their pocket" so why can't I?

Okay weird tangent pertaining to Jake and the Genz people as a whole. So the Genz alliance died... and I couldn't be happier! See, that alliance put a huge target on all of our backs from the start. So there had to be some methodical ways to break it up from the inside without letting it get too messy for ME in particular. A lot of what happened was kinda natural shit/conflict going down that I kinda just let happen:

-Taking out Brian was the first instance I saw where that could cause cracks. Brian was super close to Liana and RJ and I couldn't fully trust him. Had I voted Dylan like I was supposed to the first round, it would have tied and who knew what would have happened.

-The Ryan and Liana conflict has kinda worked itself out beautifully. Ryan threw the Genz alliance out in the open to Dylan, someone who Liana had control over. They get pissed, and I'm there for both of them complain to. I don't let the conflict resolve, but I just get all the tea. And now they don't trust each other (to my satisfaction tbh).

-Bernel going out was another fun instance of things naturally falling into my lap. Jaiden getting to the Oasis ended being a blessing in disguise seeing as we were immediately able to vote out a slightly more inactive wild card in Bernel. Another Genz number that I didn't necessarily want is gone. 

-Now I'm close to Ryan and Liana separately. Jake doesn't seem to be doing much but does trust Ryan. And I don't talk to him much but, I'm hoping Jake will trust me as well.

ANYWAY

We're saved thanks to RTP and Daddy Ken. A sentence I never thought I would ever say. And to go back to the Jaiden going to the Oasis as a blessing in disguise thing... not only did allow for Bernel to go BUT it also just made Jaiden the seemingly easy vote for next round. And then we'll be at final 13. Fuck, is merge/jury soon? *screams* Well in time for that... I have to reconvene. It seems like a lot of loose voting blocks are happening, but I want myself, Isaac, Allison, and Jordan to be a consistent one. Liana got mad when she found out that existed so I'm not sure if she's included in that or not/wants to be? Idk man. I'm just trying to play in a way that I'm the target the least amount of time as possible. And I need numbers to keep it that way.

So yesterday, I got talking to JC. Before I started off, I said that I wanted none of what I said to become part of the strategy. I wanted what I said to be a personal conversation, between me and them only. Not for the hosts, not for the confessionals, not for the other players, and not about the game anymore.

I told JC that I wanted to quit.

I basically said that I was only here to play for them and people that deserved to win, trying to get these people further in the game instead of myself. I said that I wanted to give up because I was so stressed out about this game that it made it such a negative experience to really even carry on. The game that I was playing to allow myself to win was too difficult for me to continue and I made it clear to JC that I had no desire to continue to play for the win, and that I just wanted them to win instead. If I left the game, they would likely end up losing because they don't have the number or the "shield" that I could be going forward. I don't know if JC believed what I said, but we discussed it for a little bit. Maybe they went and told everyone else all of these things, but the truth is...

I still wanna win. Obviously.

What I said to JC was meant as a surrender speech so it seems like I'm not going to play aggressively like usual anymore. JC knows how I play, so I had to come up with something to make myself seem like less of a threat when I know I'm still going to play the same way. Yes, I want to go to the end with JC, but I want to beat them, and I'm going to.

After this conversation was over, I went and talked to Zack. We talked personally about Raccoon City, a bunch of other stuff, and a little bit about the game. I laid it out that I want to go to the final three with Zack and JC, so now it's out in the open to both of them where my intentions lie. Zack is extremely loyal and I think that's good enough evidence that I need to stick with them for as long as possible.

I'm going to really try and sell this idea that I'm here for the team, not for myself. If I convince Liana to vote for someone other than myself, there is a better chance that I won't get voted out tonight. I wanna continue taking things day by day because success doesn't happen overnight, especially when everyone is pre-merge in this game. I expect lots of twists regarding tribe divisions while this game continues so I need to keep on my toes with my social game. The people who are likely to flip to the Arma tribe need to go faster than someone who will remain loyal to Occidere tribe, which is what I want to say. I won't flip to the Arma tribe of course, but who's to say that RJ or Liana or Sam B won't?

All that matters now is that I remain out of the crosshairs.

I literally did nothing for the challenge but at least I'm not the only one. I'm sure people want to target me for being inactive but I'm also hearing some other stuff. People might want Liana and that honestly scares me because Liana tries to keep me informed. Everything I know about random alliances and stuff has come from Liana. I'm trying to think of a way to save her and I might have an idea. If Zack, Sam B, and JC want to vote Liana, they need me or Jaiden to do it. So if Jaiden and I just go to Liana and RJ and say 'hey Liana, they wanna vote for you' maybe the four of us could vote together and take out Zack or Sam B. As long as they don't want JC then we should be good.

hie. it's a sad day here. a SAD day. i just sent in my vote to send liana home.. 

I FEEL BAD. I LIKE LIANA. I LIKE OUR CONVERSATIONS. yes liana is a HUGE threat and is in a majority alliance but liana is someone who could help our tribe right now and help us win immunities. but on the other hand.. i stayed loyal to someone in raccoon city who has a huge target and was in major alliances. and look where that got me? second place. i'm not here to play for second place AGAIN. i need to do what i need to do and the alliance i'm in with jc and samantha made me realize that. i wanted to vote for sam's ass to leave because she ain't ever even pm me but whatever! am i lowkey hoping liana stays? i won't confirm or deny. but like i said before.. i'm here for first place.

http://funny115.com/v2/11_12.jpg

Actually, I'm in a pretty curious position right now. The entire tribe has woken up and everyone minus RJ is talking to me. They're all discussing the option of blindsiding Liana at this tribal council, leaving RJ aside for next round. He's the easy vote in this case, but we have to save him for later. I personally think RJ is still a bigger threat than Liana, but I'll let it go for now.

Zack, JC, Sam B, and Sam G are planning on voting for Liana. RJ and Liana are planning on voting for me. It makes complete sense for me to vote out Liana and let her go, but at the same time I could always flip and bring Sam G over with me, and blindside someone else like JC or Sam B.

Sam G might have let it slip to Liana that her name is being written down tonight. In which case, I have to make a decision. I can side with Liana and RJ, hoping that Sam G follows suit, or I can stick with the numbers I know are certain and get rid of Liana.

Trust is super hard to come by in this game and I trust JC more than anyone. I also think that I can trust Zack, but his loyalty is only something that he gives on his own terms. If Zack isn't down with me, it doesn't matter that I'm down for him. I trust Sam G but she's looking to "make a big move" against the threesome of Zack, JC, and Sam B and that's super complicated and nerve-wracking because then I'll be left with two people who are pissed off at me, and then Liana and RJ who were willing to vote me out last round.

I think my mind is made up what I'm going to have to do tonight, but crazier things have happened and I've changed my mind before. I'm so nervous.

Okay so like what is up with my allies omg. The Wildcats need to pop in here and tell them to get their heads in the game!!! Idk this is hella difficult but I think I'll be in the numbers to be safe for this vote at least for how things are going right now. We're going to tribal now because 4 minutes of a loop of naked Ken was better than our video! And honeslee I wish someone like Constance or something was here so we could vote them out but I meeeean, Liana is here too and I'm not a fan of her gameplay since she had my name in her mouth and speaks to everyone so! Ugh I wish Isaac was here too it'd be nice to vote him out. LMAO THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE I WANNA VOTE OUT HEZKAHSBDBS.

And like honeslee I feel like I have the people to lead a vote on Liana? But the thing is everyone in my tribe is a mess! RJ wants to vote out Jaiden Jaiden wants to vote out RJ Liana wants to vote out Jaiden I want to vote out Liana Zack wants to vote out Sam G and Sam G needs a strategy session with Troy Bolton...then there's Samantha Bussy who's probably fisting herself as we speak!! Nah but tbh I feel like both Sam's would maybe vote for Liana? But maybe not because Bussy is giving me tea that she and Liana got into a fight with Allison? Honestly hosts you made no mistakes with this cast we are CRACKED!

And omg I was sooo bored yesterday and basically I was messing around with everyone and Jaiden and I were being friendly which basically ousted our fake fight akzjxbzbz, and then Samantha, Zack and I were being friendly too and basically ousted our whole alliance! Mess!! But truthfully I 100% did not give a single fuck. Not one! Because like everyone in the main chat is so cliquey and like no one cares when Constance Jordan and Isaac constantly oust themselves so why should we care! Foh!

OMFG OK so like me being the charitable heart I am and wanting to send Liana home with a passion, I campaigned to send Liana home over other names that were flying around like Jaiden and Sam G. HOWEVER, some hoe decided to tell Liana her name had been brought up? MESS! Everyone is running around like chickens with they heads cut off omfgggg. Hunty could have an idol. If there's one thing I've learned this round, it's that drama is fun to watch, but not fun when it involves you! Yikes I hope I don't go home

ive had like 5738 emotions and now i tihnk im going because no one is responding to me. im scared.

~Later~

WHAT!!!!!!! THE FUCK!!!! IS HAPPENING!!!!

Liana found out, I'm losing my mind, I'm flipping the vote to RJ, and I want Liana to stay because fuck this game im probably flipping everyone's vote onto me and im paranoid AS FUCK because i want jc to stay also and idk whats happening someone help me!!!!!!!!!!